I have a mom (didja know that? That I had a mom? Shocker, huh?)...so, anywho...this mom of mine, she is a tip junkie.
It's a little ridiculous, really.
I mean, I think she spends more on her vacations just tipping people, than she does on anything else (admit it mom...it's soooo true?!!!)...she tips everyone from the taxi driver to the stranger sharing her cab...from the door man to the people on vacation with her.
Seriously, I wouldn't doubt if she tipped her doctor after a pap smear.
Well, okay...that's takin' it a little far.
But, her excessive, random tippingness, has turned me into a tip-aphobe!!
It's true...I am now obsessed with who(m?) you do and/or don't tip.
I once had the carpet cleaner scheduled to come clean our carpets (imagine that!! A carpet cleaner cleaning carpets!! Geepers, have you ever heard of such a thing? Why I never...)
So, anywho...the carpet dude comes driving down the driveway...and I panic...I pick up the phone, speed dial my mama, and whisper (whisper, 'cuz you know, Carpet Dude likely has bionic ears and can hear me, all the way out there in his van...), "Mom...do I tip the Carpet Dude?!!!!!"
Her response? "Um, no. I don't think you have to tip the Carpet Dude."
Really??!!! Well, I bet if we were on vacation we'd tip the Carpet Dude! I was shocked.
I mean, if you don't tip the Carpet Dude, then who do you tip?
So, anyway...I have become tipaphobic. I don't know who to tip or what to tip or how much to tip or when to tip.
It's a curse.
It's all consuming.
But...but!!! There is one thing I know for certain...I don't tip fast food joints.
I mean, c'mon!!!
Even McDonald's doesn't do tips!
I went through a drive thru today (and, for real...what doesn't scream fast food, than a drive thru?!!)...and, the dude hands me a slip to "sign", with a spot for a tip.
Does this mean that I hafta start tipping the cashiers at the grocery stores?
Or, perhaps the dental hygienist when I get my teeth cleaned? (Oh, gosh...wait...are you supposed to tip the hygienist? Oh, man!!! Another one to worry about...better call my mom...)
Am I totally off base to think it's wrong that fast food joints are now asking for tips? I saw him look at it, too...he was all, "Hmmmm...did she tip me?"
Gosh...they probably spit in my food. "Stupid non-tipper girl...'Hock a loogey in that order, Bob...we got ourselves a non-tipper!'..."
What's a girl to do?
I need a book...a "Tipping Etiquette" book...do they make those?
And where can I buy one?