Yo, Self, listen up.
Effective immediately, I am putting a ban on all this munching, snacking, seconds, eatingwhateveryouwant business. Your love handles are begging me.
Your saddle bags are pleading with me to do something about you and your stuffing your pie hole problem.
I am taking a drill sergeant approach and there will be NO MORE LATE NIGHT SNACKING! NO MORE "JUST A COUPLE" OF DORITOS! ("A couple", yeah right...) NO MORE FAT FOOD! (Yes, I said "Fat"...as in "fat faSt food".)
HUP TO IT! GET OFF THE COUCH! LACE UP THOSE SNEAKERS!
(Pssssst...if this hardass approach doesn't work, maybe fear tactics will: Swimsuit season is right around the corner, dear Love Handles...I mean, dear Saddlebags...I mean, dear Mama. Muwahahaha! Yer shakin' in yer boots now, aren'tcha?!)
All my love,
You know who