After my post yesterday, I feel the need to thank you all for your thoughtful, kind, heartfelt comments (except for the Anonymous snarkers...really, can't you stand behind your words?).
I've gotta say, my eyes were opened...and while I still stand by what I first said, I'll say, you made me think! It is totally correct, that it is the "mothering" that is what is important...a mother who stays home but carts her kids off to manis, pedis, and all sorts of other "mom" time isn't a "better" mother just because she stays home.
Just like a working mom who spends oodles of her free time teaching her kids values and building a strong foundation for them, is a fabulous mom...even though she works.
Remember, friends...I AM one of those moms. I work. In no way was I trying to offend anyone, I include myself in the working moms group.
I like how Kate said that kids get hugs and kisses when they get to daycare and then again when mom or dad picks them up...double the kisses! That's fabulous!
I also recognize that for some families, there is an absolute need for two incomes and/or for mom to work. Stay at home dads are the bee's knees, too. And sometimes, it's better for everyone if dad stays home, instead of mom.
So, to recap...I appreciated everyone's insightful comments (if you get the time, you should read them!!)...you made me realize it's a lot more complex...but, I still stand by what I said.
I think...*insert tongue in cheek*...that shall I ever run for President, my main platform will be: "One Parent Left Behind". ;)
But, if I ever run for President, we'll all be wearing really, really warm parkas in a place that is all fire and brimstone. So, no need to worry yourself unnecessarily.
I really loved your post from yesterday. I couldn't really comment on it as I'm not a mother, except to my puppy but I don't think that counts =)
ReplyDeleteMy parents both worked while my sis and I were growing up, they both work now.
I can't really comment on whether I truly agree or not, however, I can say from a 'child's' perspective, that hugs and kisses and laughter in a family are SO important. So when you are unable to be there all day with your kids, the hugs and the kisses from you and their dad remain with them. =) And they will continue to want to share with you and hang out with you and grow as a family with you. being a SAHM sounds like the ideal thing to do, but when you can't, just love and hug =) That's what is important at the end of the day and when they are adults thinking on their childhood and their future children, they will want their kids to have the same love and experiences that they got from you.
just sayin' =)
I got what you were pitching yesterday ;) In many ways, I agree. Of course working mothers can be just as attentive and loving as a SAHM, but I still think you're on to something. Basically, you're brilliant Mama M.
ReplyDeleteI read your post yesterday and was reading the 40+ comments it had last night. The hubs wanted me to go to bed so I missed commenting. I agree that depending on the situation that maybe some moms need to work. I wanted to be a stay at home and it wasn't possible until recently. I believe that whether or not the mom works or stays home that the quality of nurturing and care is what matters. People have to stop worrying about the "things" they have and want and focus on the family. Get back to basics and pay attention to our children.
ReplyDeleteI read your post yesterday, and wanted to think before I commented. We both work in our home because we need the insurance and income - not for things, but for food on the table. Our house cost us less than $100,000, and we drive beater cars. I always wanted to stay home, but recently I've seen something beneficial to our situation. My husband and I work different schedules so we need less daycare. I think it gives my husband and children a wonderful opportunity to bond that otherwise might not be there. He is primary caregiver two days a week without me there. He is often the one to take them to the library, dance lessons, etc. Not all dads get that chance — even if they are involved parents, I think us moms tend to take the lead most of the time. I think my kids are getting the best of both parents, and as someone who grew up with a father, that is a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteI read your post yesterday and I loved it. Like Asheley I'm not a mom except to my puppy but I've always prayed that if I ever marry I will be able to figure out a way to stay home.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you about the feminist movement, I still believe in voting and all that but there are aspects of it that have done us no favors. While fighting for young women to be able to "have it all" it was failed to be realized that it's just not humanly possible something always has to give. IMHO based off conversations and observations.
Wow! I love talking/debating/etc. - I think that was a fantastic post and I think it's important that we all, as mothers (stay at home or otherwise) reevaluate our priorities and make sure that no matter what we do, we are making choices (sometimes impossibly difficult) based solely on what is best for the majority of our family at all times. But regardless of the SAHM/not debate, I think the most important take-away for me is that, across the board in this nation, family needs to come first, parents need to take responsibility for their children and their up-bringing, rather than assuming someone else (schools/daycare/government) will do it for them, and we need to recognize that material possessions are fleeting and in no way measure true wealth or success. I think that is something everyone - feminist, traditionalist, SAHM, WAHM, working moms, childcare specialists, and those without children can appreciate. :o)
ReplyDeleteI love the "one parent left behind" platform. I'd vote for that! :P
ReplyDeleteWe are all different and live different lives and situations. I just wish everyone would accept people for who they are and the life they chose to live.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic. I obviously work outside the home too. I had my career 11 years before I even had kids. My DH works part time so he can be home with the kids two days a week. We only do day care 3 days a week.
ReplyDeleteI carry our insurance because my DH owns his own Chiropractic clinic and is self employed.
If I could stay home would I? Absolutely. I've done my career for 15 years. I'd love to retire. But my DH has student loans he had way before we were even married. Also, even if he worked full time+, I would still be the bread winner (totally not bragging, just explaining.)
In the end, I actually agree with you, Mama M. It's just not practical for us. Now if our government would be a little kinder towards the working middle class and give some forgiveness towards student loans, then maybe things might be a little easier, at least for us.
In the end, interesting debate and intriguing responses :-)
This is always a very touchy topic for people. I am a single woman with no children and yet I HEAR you on this. I am an educator, so if I do choose to work when I have children, my schedule will be ideal. I hope to stay home with them while they are young, but unfortunately money stands in our way with a lot of things these days.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, thank you for sharing your heart. That's what this is all about!
As a mom who was left by my ever so less than awesome ex I get no choice but to work but I have made my son's situation much different than a daycare and I now have a wonderful fella who has finally found another job after 5 months so its not so bad but you can bet everything my son needs from his mom he gets... hugs, kisses, tucked in, help with homework all because we live a minimal life and with that being said I could be a SAHM as soon as they fix the schools in places we could afford on one income...His education is very important to me but I spend all my time on the weekends with him so he gets 48 hours of us time except for the weekends he spends with my ex... Everyone has a story and everyone who is trying deserves a hand because being mom is hard no matter if you work or not and no matter if you have 1 child or many ... nice post
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