I've gotta gripe. A big, fat, major gripe...wanna know what it is?
Anonymous Naysayers.
I don't understand the concept, the reason, or the logic behind posting a negative comment anonymously. What, exactly, are you afraid of?
I wrote a couple of posts last week that stirred up some controversy. Here are a couple of comments. (I posted the other one here.)
- I am a mother who has children in their 20's- all are successful, happy, independent children- an actor, a doctor, and a college senior headed to law school. This debate has been going on for years and really needs to stop providing divisions between working moms and stay at home moms. I had my own business and yet was there for my children before and after school, volunteered at their schools and had family meals together. My husband and I worked together as a team to make this work for all. There is no " better " "right way" . Each family needs to figure it out for themselves and needs the support of the "village" so we can all use our strengths and talents to make us all- moms, dads, children and families stronger. I had hoped this type of discussion was behind us and that we were all a little more enlightened about the value of choice and opportunity for all.
Wow. I am not sure where to with this. You can be a crappy mom who stays home with her kids and you can be a crappy mom who works. And do you honestly think that most working mothers are some sort of feminazi's that want their children to struggle?
Of course, one of the things that could help people like you who are preaching this type of thing, is healthcare reform, which you oppose. Seems kind of stupid to me. Logic is a good thing.
Now, the second commenter could have had some valid arguments in there, but instead, decided to throw in the snark. The "feminazis wanting their kids to struggle" and the whole healthcare thing. I viewed his/her comment as weightless.
No name = no validity.
And as for the first commenter...I think he/she spun my words. First of all...REMEMBER, I AM A WORKING MOM!!!
If a person can not write a comment and stand behind their words with their name (notice that I said "THEIR" name, whether their blogging pseudonym or their real name...not a fake, made up name for blog bashing) then I strongly feel that the comment should not be posted.
I liken it to real life...if we met face to face, and you couldn't say your comment directly to me without, say, wearing a gorilla mask, then it probably shouldn't be said. If you find some sort of "strength" or "courage" when you hide behind a computer screen and your "anonymity", then it is false strength or courage.
Please, please, please...if you can't be respectful in your disagreement, don't post anonymously...just don't post at all. There is NOTHING wrong with not agreeing...but there is everything wrong with being snarky and disrespectful because you feel some sort of false security when posting "anonymously".
Next time, just find different words to get your point across...kind words, respectful words...and proudly sign your name.
"My mama always taught me, if you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at alllll."
-Bambi's friend, Flower
Amen.
I'm scared of these kinds of comments therefor I have it where people can't leave anonymous comments they have to provide some kind of identity.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on this! When did it come to the point were we can't disagree nicely? Just because two people have opposing views on a topic does not mean that they can't still be courteous and kind about it. Not standing behind your words by putting your name to your comments is cowardice, just like you said.
ReplyDeleteWho really cares if they write anonymous. If it bothers you, you can take the anonymous option out of your comment section.
ReplyDeleteIt's just my opinion that if you post things that may get people riled up, just prepare for the responses. You leave yourself 'open' when you write a public blog.
-Laura (I don't blog, or have a google account)
Anonymous comments are like a hit-and-run; it's easy for the commenter/naysayer/hitter (if you will) to throw a few bombs and get in a few jabs and then go off to run and hide and not worry about any repercussions because they're hiding in their anonymity. If you're going to rile things up, man up (or in female's cases, put your big girl panties on) and stand behind your words.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there are quite a few internet tough guys/gals who don't even have the guts to sign their name on their comments.
Sincerely,
Luis Bueno
aka LB
aka Muddy Runner
I don't choose that option, Laura, because I want to leave people (like you) the option of commenting. I am not against people getting riled up, but they can still be respectful and courteous.
ReplyDeleteWe are all different, with different beliefs, morals, values...BUT we can still be respectful. Amen. End of story.
Kill 'em with kindness.
Amen from me, too. It makes me wonder if people post snark and rude opposition anonymously because they don't really believe what they are saying, but say it to make themselves feel better. If you believe it, why hide?
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Laura.
ReplyDelete(Anonymous above me)
And...I don't feel that their comments were disrespectful at all. I do agree that people shouldn't be rude, though.
You can still respond to them,even not knowing their name,in your posts.
I once received an anonymous post that said
ReplyDelete"Your blog is so dumb, I wont waste my time on it ever again".
I found it ironic that they used their precious time to post that comment. LOL!
I was just going to write Stacy, that I don't believe the posts were disrespectful.
ReplyDelete-Laura
I agree with you Mama M - whether these particular comments were disrespectful seems to be a matter of personal opinion though. I guess it all depends on the "voice" you put to them as you read them but I did read the snark in them. Granted they may not have called you bad names (is feminazi a bad name?) but I think the posts were laden with a snarky, condecending attitude. (IMHO)
ReplyDeleteI also agree with L.B. anonymous comments (those not leaving a name - not just not linking to a blog because some don't have that)that come in just to body slam you because they feel safe behind the anonimity is like a hit-and-run.
Glad I stopped by to just re-word your post and L.B.'s comment. You're welcome for the input. {grin}
I don't understand why people have to be so rude. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the author's post I think its wrong for those who comment and like you say do it anonymously.
ReplyDeleteAs far as what you said. I agree'd with your posts last week and although I am a stay at home mom I have hard feelings towards those who are working moms. You have to do what is best for your family. I don't feel that you were trying to cause problems just state your opinion about an issue which you have every right to do. Don't let the rude anonymous commenters get to you. :)
Can I write that I understand both sides, but can I throw in something from where I sit, please?
ReplyDeleteI am a mom.
I am a mom of a young man who lives in a nursing home.
I think that we all have to give blessings for where we are in our lives.
Some can be stay at home moms. Some must work.
At the end of the day, it is not for any of us to stand in judgement of another for the choices made in our lives.
I have never been the stereotypical stay at home/or/working mom. I can't relate. But I have never been a normal mom either. I don't know all the experiences you do, I have never heard or had the pictures on the refrigerator, the first dates, the broken hearts to help mend.
But I guess what I am asking, is, if someone posts anonymously, let them have their opinion. Life is too short.
I wish I was one of you. What I wouldn't give.
I just reread my comment above and realized I left something out... I meant that I think its wrong for commenters who comment rudely to be anonymous. Not that you shouldn't comment anonymously. I know that not everyone has a blog or account but enjoys reading blogs. Yikes my above comment could have been bad. LOL
ReplyDeleteMama M., I too cant stand people who leave comments but can't own up to them. I mean if you are taking the time to leave a comment about something you believe in, have the balls or big girl panties to leave your name. Its not like you are gonna get your ass beat. You have typed that much, how hard is it to type a few more letters
ReplyDeleteAMEN! This is why I have yet to open my comments to anonymous authors. I'm pretty sure I'd go off on someone and then we'd both be wrong.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous commenters kill me too. I HATE IT.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel strongly enough about your opinion, put some balls into it with your name...hell, use a FAKE name if you want to...but anonymous? HATE.THAT.
Totally agree with you here. You can have a strong, even passionate, opinion about a topic and still show respect. And whether people like it or not, the SAHM vs. Working Mom differences/debates will always exist, simply because we are ALL trying so hard to do what we think is best for our own individual families.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog and I don't think stirring things up a bit is a bad thing. ;)
I have to also say that I 100% agree with the post you wrote last week!
ReplyDeleteI agree with this post so much! I have had "anonymous" haters attack me on Amazon (I wrote a book, Life As She Knew It) and on my blog. They talk about my poor blog writing (that they obviously continue to READ) and make character assumptions based on my fiction.
ReplyDeleteWhen I make my points or defend myself, I do so using my real name, only to be further "shamed" for doing so. Kids, if ya don't feel comfortable owning your words, you shouldn't feel comfortable saying them!
Thank you (dismounting soap box)
I agree with this post so much! I have had "anonymous" haters attack me on Amazon (I wrote a book, Life As She Knew It) and on my blog. They talk about my poor blog writing (that they obviously continue to READ) and make character assumptions based on my fiction.
ReplyDeleteWhen I make my points or defend myself, I do so using my real name, only to be further "shamed" for doing so. Kids, if ya don't feel comfortable owning your words, you shouldn't feel comfortable saying them!
Thank you (dismounting soap box)
I agree with this post so much! I have had "anonymous" haters attack me on Amazon (I wrote a book, Life As She Knew It) and on my blog. They talk about my poor blog writing (that they obviously continue to READ) and make character assumptions based on my fiction.
ReplyDeleteWhen I make my points or defend myself, I do so using my real name, only to be further "shamed" for doing so. Kids, if ya don't feel comfortable owning your words, you shouldn't feel comfortable saying them!
Thank you (dismounting soap box)
I put my settings to where you can't post if you're anonymous
ReplyDeleteOkay I am so confused. This can't be your blog these comments are coming from, right?
ReplyDeleteAnd I have friends who are completely opposite from me. I have even poked fun at them on my blog (with their permission.) We are friends because we are different. We even have a couple who had sterilization done before marriage, cause they never want to have children. They don't look down on us for having four.
I love debating (defined as an intellectual conversation with two or more different positions.) But I don't understand getting hateful. If you don't agree, do you really have so little ground to stand on as to get snarky. If that's all you have to stand on your position must be awfully shaky.
Oh Mama M., don't worry about those haters. It is your blog and you can say what you want. No one is forcing them to read it! Keep on doing your Mama M thing!
ReplyDeleteI can't stand anonymous comments either. If you don't have a google account and don't blog - fine. You can still leave your name like Laura did.
ReplyDeleteIf people feel so strongly in their believes they shouldn't be ashamed to show who they are.
Right there with ya!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet girl, don't give these kinds of commenters one more second of your time. If they can't stand behind what they say then they don't deserve the attention they so desperately want.
ReplyDeleteRise above. I know you can do it.
To be honest, I don't see what was wrong with the first comment. Maybe I'm missing something...
ReplyDeleteI am in agreement with that! I can't stand the rude comments that are not even backed up with a name or face or anything! I have too much integrity I guess to do that.
ReplyDeletePS It was Bambi's friend Thumper who said that! lol
Amen. I totally agree with you Mama M. Anonymous commenters are cowards. End of story.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up and keep posting your thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This is YOUR blog. The way I see it, if other people don't like what you have to say, they can:
A. Not say anything at all.
B. Stop reading your blog.
C. Express their opinions if they feel the need to do so, but with kindness, respect, and IDENTITY.
I follow an infertility blogger who just recently went private because she was getting mean anonymous comments about her miscarriage. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteSome people are just... wrong.
M, I just took the "anonymous" ability off my commentor feed. 85% of all anonymous comments I've read have been snarky and melitious. I don't need that.
ReplyDeleteI read a blog the other day who added the word "coward" to the anonymous feed, so when they posted, it came up as Anonymous Coward. Loved it. Really showed that the commentor had no class (which, followed by the horribly snarky comment was totally validated).