Monday, September 20, 2010

The Refeminization of America


What, might you ask, exactly is the "refeminization" of America?

Well...let me tell you my thoughts. But first...a disclaimer. Remember, that I am a "work out of the home mom", please know that I don't intend to offend, and hear me out.

Alright...now that we've got that covered...let's start.

I think, and you may disagree, but I really think that America needs to go back to it's roots. And part of those roots, include moms being moms. Friends...I'm calling for an "Anti-Feminist" movement.

I'm not talking about taking away our right to vote or anything crazy like that...what I'm talking about is something a little different...but just as important.

Moms belong at home.

Raising their kids. Establishing morals and values and foundations for their children.

Being nurturing and emotionally available for their family's needs.

I have a hunch (but, since research is not my forte, a hunch is all it is...) that if you trace the decline of America back, you'll find that the increases in crime rates, divorce rates, obesity, teen pregnancies, substance abuse, etc., date back to the "dawn" of the working woman.

Dual incomes.

Latch key kids.

Meals on the go.

Friends, call me crazy, but I think that's where it all started. With the working mama.

I've always been a "girly girl"...not opposed to "Prince Charming" rescuing me from a castle turret, enjoying when a man holds a door for me, feeling "revered" when a man rises at a table while I sit down. I love it when the Mr. pulls a chair out for me, or helps me on with my coat...not because I cannot do these things for myself...but because it makes me feel respected.

It makes me feel like a woman.

And I like that.

I love being a woman, and I love being a mother.

Our children, our future, need us to mother them. We need to go back to our roots of home cooked, sit down family meals. With the TV off. With conversation. With prayer.

Our children should come home to their mamas, waiting for them with hugs and inquiries of their school day...instead, our children go to daycare providers who hand out those hugs and inquiries for us.

Thank God for daycare providers...they are angels here on earth...selfless mothers who willingly stand in for those of us mothers that work.

"But"...you may argue..."we need that second income". That's my argument, anyway. That, and "I'm the one who carries the insurance". However, what came first? The need for a dual income, or the "keeping up with the Jones'" attitude that necessitates a dual income?

It's like the chicken and the egg thing...only with money and the Jones' (who are these "Jones" people anyway? And who said they were so cool that everyone needed to be like them?).

Unfortunately, I think we're so far into this "feminist" movement, that there is no going back. I wish we could. I think our country...our children...our future, needs it.

And that, my friends...is what I mean by the "refeminization" of America.

Okay...put down your torches and pitchforks now...I'm done. And remember, I am a working mom. I don't exclude myself as part of the problem.


67 comments:

  1. You said it so well. Thank you for writing this!

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  2. I think you're right - but for the moms (like you) who HAVE to work, I think there should be a shift in attitude for THEM that being a wage-earner and being a Mom don't need to be mutually exclusive. I think the problem is less that the moms DO work, and more that the moms feel that since they work, their duties as mom should decrease accordingly. Does that make sense? It CAN work out, but only if the moms who work also put just as much (more!) effort into their work as a mommy. Those moms need to be the ones doing MORE snuggling, MORE prayers, making a GREATER effort to eat meals together, go to the park together, do homework together, etc. It doesn't have to be about quantity but about quality and THAT to me is where more moms fall short than by the simple virtue of them working out of the home.

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  3. That would be lovely, but for our family it's just not possible. Hopefully one day.

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  4. I am a working mama too, simply becaae I carry the insurance. And it sucks that someone else is helping to raise my kids. Although they are doing a fine job, they need me. We do our best to ALWAYS have a family meal, no TV.

    Amen sister!

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  5. AMEN! The feminist movement has also led to the demasculation of men. An equally dire situation.

    {do I remember that you are from St. Cloud? or did I just make that up? We just moved to St. Cloud (from the cities) 4 days ago!}

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  6. I agree with you completely. When we look at my potential income, there are SO MANY things we could have. However, does that compensate for what the kids would lose? I work from home very part time and even find that can get in the way of nurturing my children. Our forefathers or foremothers did with a lot less, and, I firmly believe, were able to raise children with more discipline, more drive and a higher ethical standard that what we see today.

    April

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  7. I so agree with you. We have made it a necessity to have 2 incomes because we want to live a certain way. But the price it takes on children is kind of sad. I stay home with my daughter but that means my husband has to work almost every day of the week. It stinks but I wouldn't have made enough to justify going back after she was born. I also think it's important, since she's only 17 months, that I'm home with her.

    Your probably right about the statistics too because the less supervision a child has the more they will test their boundaries.

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  8. AMEN AMEN AMEN!!! My favorite post yet! AMEN!!! I couldn't agree with you more. It's ALSO interesting to look at the direct coorelation between the feminist movement and divorces. Our poor men don't know which end is up, and they're loosing our respect- which is their love language. And we're (women, in general) feeling like we don't "need" to give them respect. Being a stay at home mom was one of my prerequisites for a marriage. I'm a big believer in it!! Of course, I do work from home...so, there's that. This post, though...I love it! One more reason why you're turning out to be a great bloggy friend!!! (That, and late night "orange" jokes.)

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  9. In a way I agree with you, not completely, in fact I choose a part time job, that enables me to have a second income, to have my own space outside in the world, and yet to be there for my family.
    Every mum should be allowed to have a part time job.
    Agree?

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  10. I totally agree. I think these days a focus is put on having a career, seeing the world, not getting bogged down by those darn children. And okay, fine but once you have a child, damnit, take care of your child! We've been told, "Children don't have to change your life!" Well yes they do and they should. You can't continue to live as if they aren't around, having your careers and so forth. They will suffer in the end.

    What's sad is that there are moms who have to work, that have no choice. That would probably love to be at home with their kids.

    I really think the Feminist attitude has been more hurtful to women than helpful. The "we don't need men" attitude, leading to men not being men and doing what needs to be done. It's just sad.

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  11. i agree 100%. when i have children, i definitely want to stay home and be 'mom.' and that's it. well, maybe i can do some freelance jobs on the side, but i'm going to be the pto, class mom, school volunteer as long as i want.

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  12. Well Said!
    If you are single and reading this before you tie the knot...see where your man stands on this issue...don't wait until later to bring it up. It's great if both parents agree before kids.

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  13. Generally, I agree, and it's one of the big reasons that I am currently a Stay At Home Mom. Being available to teach values and set boundaries with consistency is extremely important in raising children, and even though there are great daycares and providers out there, they just can't accomplish everything that parents can.

    However, there are women/families who do manage to do it all. My mom worked 2 jobs and my dad was gone most of the time (long distance truck driver), but I had everything I NEEDED. A safe roof over my head, properly fitting clothes for school, and love. No matter how much work my mom had to do, we ate dinner together every night.

    It's another commitment that families need to make to each other, no matter the work schedule. Because even in our materialistic society, love is more important than money.

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  14. I totally agree with you! It hurts to see mom's who go to work to provide material things for their kids. Like, we "need" to go on that trip, or we "need" a big SUV, or we "need" a big house. Do you think your kids care what you have? Of course not. They care about having you around! I grew up with my mom and home and so did my hubby. No, we didn't live in the nicest house. No, I didn't have the nicest toys. But I had my mom there for me everyday I came home from school. And that can NEVER be replaced.
    Thank you for writing about this issue. I hope it opens up some ears and eyes to the importance of our children and society!
    I'll just step off of my soap box now....

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  15. Interesting take on how it happened and why, yet I am going to have to disagree a little. But roll with me here, I am not yet a "mom". Yet I think that I might go insane if I was a stay at home mom. Not because I don't like kids, or don't want some of my own soon. But because I just need that time, the working time, the time to do something that is for me. Working makes me feel validated. I am not saying that being a mom would not make me feel the same way, but it is a whole different feeling I am sure. My family will most likely include my husband being a stay at home dad, and me working. But this works for us-and is not for everyone.
    I do agree 100% that kids need that feeling of someone being there for them when they get home from school, to give them hugs and "mom" them, but for us it will most likely be dad.
    Great post!

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  16. I totally agree! I am a full time Mama and a part time nurse and it goes in that order.

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  17. I agree...although, I think the problem is much bigger than just moms working. I think other factors relate as well - families not spending as much quality time together...I mean, how many families actually sit down together and have a meal where they can talk & share together? I am a working mother too, but I work out of necessity since I'm a single mom. I've already declared that if I ever am in a position where I can work from home or not at all, I'm not going to. My son is 14 and given the chance I would be a stay at home mom just for him. But I do wonder if we aren't seeing a turn around in this as well. It seems that I'm seeing more and more mothers who are deciding to be a "stay at home mom" and leaving the workforce. I don't think we will ever 100% see women NOT in the workforce, but I think women are realizing that the material things aren't as important as our children's welfare.

    Good post. And I like that it comes from a woman who is a work out of the home mom and recognizes our country's need to go back to basics.

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  18. Amen. Well written. Fully agree. Has my stamp of approval. Two thumbs up. Need I say more?

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  19. Amen! I get called out all the time, especially by my own mom, about being a stay at home mom after having gone to college. They call it a waste. I call it insurance in case I ever have to work. My son IS NOT a waste! No one can raise him better than my husband and myself. I always told those nay-sayers that I agree with the feminist movement. Those women gave us precious choice. I choose to stay home.

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  20. I totally agree. And I think that our society has a love affair with STUFF. Therefore it necessitates the dual income. People always ask us how we live on one income, then make fun of us for driving old beater cars, bringing our lunch to work or playdates, not eating out, not having cable, buying our kids clothes used, buying our clothes only on sale, etc etc. I always want to clear my throat and say "excuse me, but the things you are making fun of me for... THAT"S how we do it on one income!"

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  21. Just by looking at the number of comments your post has gotten, I'd say you hit a BIG ONE...I am in full accordance with you. I was raised that way and Hubby and I have raised our family that way...so far my 3 married girls are SAHM, taking care of their families. It's like someone repeated to me just recently...you would never trust your purse to a stranger, but what about our children?
    Thanks for speaking out!
    Becky Jane

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  22. Look, I have had people say here in the UNgreat state of GawGa, that I must be stupid for having my wife work (back when she did). The fact of the matter is that I promised Tracy that when we had kids I would do anything in my power to keep her at home to take care of the kids. A mother NEEDs to be at home to raise the kids. I think a mom-wife staying at home means she is WORKING. Its not like she is sitting there eating and bullshiting all day. SAHM also is a WAHM (working at home mom)
    Ladies get home and take care of your kids, dont let someone else raise your kids

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  23. AMEN!!! I also agree with the one that said it is the start of demasculization too!

    I also am a full time mom and part time HUC. I used to work to pay for gas, food, and fun. Now I work for insurance, and to pay the bills. My husband is laid off and went back to school full time. (another thought...are women taking more of the men's jobs??? If they were home, would there be a high unemployment rate? Just a thought) Remember, I work too. ;)

    I will say though, even when we both worked, they went to grandma's twice a week. I think it's important for dad's to be there when they come home from school at times too. ;)

    That all said, great post. And I don't think it's too late. I think it can start in each of our homes.

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  24. I totally agree...but I'm with Erin and Katie above... I was raised by a SAHM and loved my childhood. Mom has a Masters degree that she never used, but her job is MOM! And she's a great one.... HOWEVER, I am not my mother. I love the way she raised me and I want to raise my kids the same way--when I have them...BUT I think I'd get bored at home alone (once they're school-age). When I came off Active Duty (Navy) a year after getting married, it was very hard for me to not be contributing to anything financially... I'm in the Reserves (VERY party time job) and Nursing School now....the plan is to get preggo and stay at home while finishing school (probably at night so the babes are never alone or with a babysitter) and then gradually go back to work during school hours only or just a few days per week....I call it "pseudo-stay-at-home-mom"!! Hopefully it'll all work out...but my hubs is very supportive and agrees that kids needs come first...so we can adapt as necessary when the time comes. We're lucky that his income is enough that anything I bring in will be "icing on the cake"

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  25. I should add, I like working outside the home part-time. I enjoy the break. The first 5 years of being a mama I stayed home. I honestly resented my husband everyday, cause he got a break (my first was high maintaince.). I feel that it's a team effort. One of us is home with the kids with the exception of 3 hours once a month, then they are with grandpa and grandma (another relationship very important in their lives).

    I say it all the time, I feel I have the best of both worlds.

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  26. I agree but one to point out one additional issue. I prayerfully asked God what is best for our family and what He would have me do and He clearly led me to working outside the home right now. It enables our family to give more to those in need and help out the community in different ways financially. He provided a wonderful nanny who lives right next door to where I work so I can see my little girl anytime I want and watch her over my lunch hour. And the girl who watches her has been blessed by the experience because her college degree is in childhood development and she knows God was preparing her to be able to help our family. It has never been about aquiring "stuff" just about being obedient and allowing us to help the community in other ways while still providing quality family time. I just don't agree that husbands should have to work 2-3 jobs to support a family because then the family is impacted in a different way. Husbands and wives need quality time too! :) Okay...that's my 10 cents...(or 20)

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  27. Love your blog, read you regularly and will continue to do so, however, I have to respectfully disagree. It's not about the time you have, but what you do with it. I know SAHM's who don't interact with their children at all during the day. They park them in front of the television and drag them along for manis and pedis and you can't tell me that that is "raising" your children.

    I work full-time because I enjoy working out of the home. Yet, no one else is raising my children. Yes, they've been in daycare, and yet, they all mirror our values, our faith. We eat dinner together every single night and do homework and decompress and talk about our days. They know that when I am home, I am theirs, 100%. And, when I'm at work and they are at school or daycare, they are learning many other things that I might not have thought to teach them. About the broader world at large.

    Being a working mom doesn't mean that my children are less loved, less cared for, less in tune with their family. I haven't missed a first step, first word, first anything with my 3 children. My kids know they are my #1 priority, AND they know that Mommy has interests and abilities outside of home life, which makes it all the cooler that they are #1.

    If having children precluded those who can afford to stay home from working, we'd be missing out on a lot of fantastic doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers...any profession that is made up of working moms AND working dads. I'd venture a guess that the parents of my students are glad that I made the decision to be a working mom, and I know that I'm darn glad that all three of the female OB's who delivered my 3 kids, all of whom are working moms, made that decision as well.

    How sad to think that my daughter might hear from someone that all she can be is a SAHM, if her dreams would take her elsewhere.

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  28. Very well said!! I just started staying at home and it is wonderful. I am a much better mom and wife since I have been able to stay at home.. HOWEVER because I stay at home I take time for granite because I always say we can read extra books tomorrow etc. I need to remember just beceause I have so much time with her does not mean I dont need to savor every moment.. because they are only little once. You can only teach them once. You are only able to raise them once. scary to me! I am trying to take every minute and use it to the max with her!

    Thanks for this today! ((you))

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  29. How sad to think that my daughter might hear from someone that all she can be is a SAHM, if her dreams would take her elsewhere.

    Amy, I can say as a father and I know my wife would agree.
    Quote me on it too.

    "Im glad THAT"S ALL MY WIFE CAN BE IS A STAY ATHOME MOM"

    How sad to think that someone else may spend more time with my kids than my wife, their mother

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  30. This Daddy, I think you miss my point. If she dreams of being a SAHM, then by all means, I'd be thrilled for her to pursue that dream. However, if she wants to be a mother AND have a career, I would be devastated for her if someone said that simply because she was a mother, she had no other options. I'm not about bashing the SAHM...I'm about letting girls and mothers decide for themselves and not make them feel guilty for wanting something different.

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  31. Amy- I agree with what you said. I have a hard time commenting on this topic b/c i am home with my kids 2 days a week, work in early childhood (with my own children just a room away) i went back to work because IT makes me a better mom. Even though i work with children all day! LOL Seeing the other adults and exchanging ideas on raising kids etc. has made me stronger in my beliefs. Now with that said i have seen/heard from parents who say they are better b/c they work 5 days a week, they are more focused on their kids when they are home. no tv, just bonding, loving and family time...so is the mom who works 5 days a week (but really is in the moment of motherhood when out of work) less of a mother than one who perhaps isn't always to in the moment- between house chores, surfing blogs etc.??/ (commenting on post while the kids watch PBS) :)
    Just cause you are a SAHM doesn't qualify you as a Mom, just like the saying any man can be a Dad, but it takes someone special to be a Father...kwim?
    well anyways, thanks for another thought provoking post.
    Tracy

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  32. Amy, I do get. really I do. In fact we are both talking about the same thing, doing what is best for our kids. Everyone goes about it in a different way. The topic of stay at home or working mom is a hard one to debate and really I am a father who doesn't know how a mom feels about all of this. Im just a dad who if I could handle staying at home, I would love to. I am thankful for my wife who can handle it and I appreciate moms who can handle being away from the kids to be a good role model and work hard to show them good hard working values

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  33. Absolutely! I'm a working mom too, a public school teacher. So much of what we're asked to do in the public schools are things that have traditionally lived at home...teach them not to bully, teach them to be respectful, make sure they're fed, etc...I don't judge other people's situations, but I know that my husband and I - with the help of our extended family - made a commitment to no daycare. We always have a family dinner. We know where our kids are and who they are with. There are lots of reasons moms work outside of the home...but there are also lots of things we can do to maintain a family values system. Thanks for raising the topic!

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  34. Wow, you hit a hot-button topic! I am visiting from Twitter, new follower. Hubs and I planned for me to stay home, at least for the first few years. For that reason, we delayed starting a family and saved up a cushion. I have a college degree and a CPA certification that I no longer use, but I wouldn't change choosing to stay home with my kids at all.

    After my kids got older, I did take a part-time job outside the home, which still allows me the flexibility to be home when they are, yet earn some money and do something that I love. So, I guess I would have to say that this whole SAHM thing isn't always just a state of being, but it can be a moving target as well.

    I love how your followers are having such a great conversation about this!

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  35. Touched a nerve with this one, sorry to say. Here are my points:
    1. If I didn't have my career, when my husband was diagnosed with MS, we would be in BAD shape right now.
    2. If I didn't have my career, my kids wouldn't be as close to their Dad, (who shares equal responsibility in raising our children) just like I wasn't when I was little.
    3. If I didn't have my career, when the economy took a down turn leaving my husband in a position that no longer made money, we would be in BAD shape right now.
    4. Even with two incomes, we still rent our home, do not take annual vacations, do not have a boat, or fancy toys. We make ends meet -just, on two incomes.(and yes, we both have college degrees)
    5. My kids have never stepped foot into a day care, my husband and I have always worked opposite schedules so that one of us are always with our kids.
    6. We sit down and eat dinner together every single night -which is more than I can say for most families who have a stay at home parent.
    7. I love my kids just as much as I would if I didn't work outside of the home and they love me.
    8. I will admit that I envy the women who can stay at home with their kids every day, however, I have never met a woman who stays at home whose husband I would rather have.
    9. I'm just representing the working woman - I have actually written published articles on this very topic because working women can never win - not with the men they work with, not with the stay at home Mom's, not with themselves.
    10. I DO respect your opinion !!

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  36. I love being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world! I wish everyone else could be as happy as I am home with my children. But, I love that we live in a time where there are choices. And no one is making those choices for us. So, although I agree with your bottom line "Women need to be home with their kids", I would never want the choice for a woman to work instead taken from her. :)

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  37. I nominated you for a blog award, over on my blog!

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  38. I am a mother who has children in their 20's- all are successful, happy, independent children- an actor, a doctor, and a college senior headed to law school. This debate has been going on for years and really needs to stop providing divisions between working moms and stay at home moms. I had my own business and yet was there for my children before and after school, volunteered at their schools and had family meals together. My husband and I worked together as a team to make this work for all. There is no " better " "right way" . Each family needs to figure it out for themselves and needs the support of the "village" so we can all use our strengths and talents to make us all- moms, dads, children and families stronger. I had hoped this type of discussion was behind us and that we were all a little more enlightened about the value of choice and opportunity for all.

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  39. I love this. Thank you for that reminder, I needed that.

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  40. Wow. I am not sure where to with this. You can be a crappy mom who stays home with her kids and you can be a crappy mom who works. And do you honestly think that most working mothers are some sort of feminazi's that want their children to struggle?

    I am one of 5 kids. My mom stayed home while us older 3 were growing up. By the time, the younger two came (several years later), she had to work once they were 5. Money was tight, there were 5 kids, and health insurance cost a crazy amount for a family of 7. (my Dad was a farmer).

    I see good and bad things about both the way that I was raised and the way my younger sisters were raised. I appreciate the sacrifices that they made for all of us.

    Of course, one of the things that could help people like you who are preaching this type of thing, is healthcare reform, which you oppose. Seems kind of stupid to me. Logic is a good thing.

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  41. I'm going to politely disagree. I started writing my thoughts here, then realized I just had WAY to much to say. So, I have a blog post of my own. Please take this as friendly debate.

    http://ktmoxie.blogspot.com/2010/09/sahm-vs-working-moms-let-mortal-kombat.html

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  42. I agree, to a point. On the other hand, in this economy it is really hard to make ends meet on one income. I've been a SAHM now for a few months and as much as I love spending the time with my daughter, I like being able to pay the bills without worrying if will be able to pay the rent. So, now I watch other kids at home. It's hard. There are days where I WISH I could work outside the home.

    It's not easy for everyone, and it's certainly not doable for everyone.

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  43. Sing it, sista! I love that you wrote this. That took guts! I see myself as definitely old fashioned when it comes to this stuff. I totally agree that mom should stay home. It may not always be possible but, I think that it's amazing when it is possible. I don't look down on moms that don't stay home but, I definitely agree that the feminazism has contributed to the downfall of the next generation.

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  44. Whew...that was fun reading through all the comments! Everyone has good points. I stay at home with my kiddos and I work two days a week teaching (with them in the same building). I love that I am able to have the best of both worlds....we are blessed and I realize it.

    I have had the same thought that the world would be a better place if more moms stayed home with their kiddos....but then you have the moms that don't play or interact anyway and the moms that do work and spend quality time with their kids. Thank God we have the right to make our own choices.....make the best one for your family :-)

    I really think that it boils down to people only have kids that they want...Kids are going to change your life and Kids are a big responsibilty...but they are also the most rewarding thing I have EVER done.

    Thank you Mama M!

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  45. I agree, to a point, but life isn't ideal. There are always going to be women who have husbands die prematurely and need to work as well as other foreseen things. I also hate to think that back in the days when women didn't work, many more felt trapped by physically abusive relationships because they didn't feel they had any other options.

    I think it really boils down to quality of time and not just quantity, but to those who think it's all quality, to children, it's often quantity a lot too.

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  46. I've been thinking about this post for awhile now, trying to get my thoughts in order.

    You know I adore you, so please take this as friendly debate only. I believe I know your heart, so I am choosing not to be offended by your opinion.

    Whether we hold a job outside the home, or our job is our home, our role as mother remains the same. One isn't better than the other.

    Have my children benefitted from having me at home these last few years? Yes and no. Yes, I am here for them all the time and I can get a lot done during the day, leaving our evenings and weekends for us. No, because we cannot afford vacations and extra curriculars for them, giving them much needed exposure to life.

    It's critical to a child's success in life to have parents that are involved with their children. Taking them to daycare doesn't rob them of parental guidance! Because I hold a job my child will become obese/a gang member/pregnant or on drugs? I respectfully and whole heartedly agree. Just because a woman has to, or chooses to, work doesn't mean she checks out when it comes to teaching values and morals.

    I believe that quality trumps quantity every single time. I believe that my daughters will learn strength, independence, sacrifice and the value of team work by seeing their mother heading out to work every day.

    Maybe the daycare provider gets hugs and kisses when they return from school. They'll ALSO get them when Mom and Dad pick them up. Double the kisses and hugs are a great thing in my book.

    I think that as women we need to support one another in the choices we make for our families. With good planning and organization we can {almost} have it all.

    My thoughts are scattered. We're watching Camp Rock. Again.

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  47. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  48. Sorry Mama! My post went twice. Also, I had a typo...my paragraph should have read:

    It's critical to a child's success in life to have parents that are involved with their children. Taking them to daycare doesn't rob them of parental guidance! Because I hold a job my child will become obese/a gang member/pregnant or on drugs? I respectfully and whole heartedly DISagree. Just because a woman has to, or chooses to, work doesn't mean she checks out when it comes to teaching values and morals.

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  49. I am not a mom yet, but I have to say I long to be at home. My greatest joy comes from keeping house and we are working so that when the day come when we ARE parents, I can be that mom. I really feel the same way you do and I am so glad you wrote this post!

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  50. I agree with your overall point, but I do think dual incomes are needed for more than "keeping up with the Jones'" in a lot of situations. That's part of it, but there is also a higher cost of living nowadays that don't allow for many families to live on a single income.

    Also, some women prefer to work and I think that's fine too. A happy mommy is the best kind of mommy.

    I just wish that our society made it more attainable for moms (or dads!) who want to stay home and devote 100% of their time to their family the priviledge of doing so.

    I also feel that one parent staying home, devoted to the family is best case senario whether that be the mother or the father.

    Basically, to me the Feminist Movement gives us choices and I think that's a great thing. For what it's worth, I am a college educated SAHM who left an established career to devote my time to my family. I'm so thankful that I have the ability to do so.

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  51. i COMPLETELY agree. my worry is that i WON'T be able to be a SAHM. Friends who are say that it is possible, you just cut extra expenses, but we don't have extra expenses! No cable, car notes paid for, etc! It is scary, but it's what we want. So what do we do? We save money like crazy in hopes that when the time comes, i will be able to stay home. :) Or at least work part-time!

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  52. I TOTALLY agree! I appreciate your light-hearted approach to a serious topic.

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  53. I agree Mamma! An aquaintance of mine had her 3rd child. She said, "I considered staying home, oh about 3 seconds, but NO!" (Then why have kids? was my thought.)

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  54. I agree but I'm single and have no kids so I can only say this from the experience I had as being a child of a stay at home mom. However I'd like to add something to this and encourage future mom's to go to college to get a degree in something that they can use. That way if they're ever in a position where they need to work they would limit their time outside their home because of their superior pay then those who don't have a degree.

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  55. Wow. I love when someone takes a stand on a controversial issue.

    I agree with you but don't judge those who work(not that you are, obviously- you are one of them, just saying that I don't- it's hard to know what someone's situation is).

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  56. I completely agree. And very well said!

    http://vandylandmommy.blogspot.com

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  57. Wowzers, Mama! You opened up a can of worms, huh? ;) I love it, though.

    Thing is, I see what it is that you're saying. You are not saying that a mother is a bad mother just because she holds down a full time job. I think some others misconstrued what you were saying.

    All in all, I think you're right. Although there are stay at home mothers who do a horrible job rearing their children, I believe a mother belongs with her children. Don't think that I in any way am judging a working mother, though. I was a working mom until 2 years ago. I believe that there are plenty of mothers that can have a career and do a great job rearing their kids as well.

    I also have to agree with others when they mention needing the 2nd income to make ends-meet. The majority of my friends are working moms. They're all great mothers, too. They also have more spending money than we do, though. It does kind of stink to see them taking their kids to karate, soccer, and swim lessons while we can't do that with our children. In place of those extracurriculars I have to make up things for my kids to do. Now that I'm back in this position, though, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. On the other hand, most of their kids get fast food a lot more than my kids do and have to walk home from school to an empty house. My kids get a home cooked meal almost every night and now that I home school them, I spend a ton of time with them and am working on getting rid of what I call society induced sewage out of their systems.

    Which ever side of the situation you believe in, what's done is done as far as slipping away from our roots. It would just be nice if we could go back to those roots you spoke of.

    Oh, and whoever those Jones' are, they sound like real jerks making us all trying to keep up with them! ;)

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  58. There are so many takes on this subject. And I know first hand how scary it is to put your opinion out there - I did it not long ago. I commend you for your courage.

    And I agree with you. I won't go through all my points here, but I'm going to pick out two to add to the debate.

    1 - I have not worked a day outside the home since our first child was born. I have witnessed firsthand every milestone, achievement and disappointment my kids have experienced. That is what a mother (or father) is. And our income during our entire lives as parents has never been more than 3,000 dollars a month. If we can do that with four kids, almost anyone can.

    2 - A lot of mothers say that they don't work for the money, but for the personal satisfaction - it makes them feel better about who they are. Well, that's great, but did anyone ask the kids what they want? I would bet that barring some kind of abusive home life, there is not one child who would choose to go to daycare instead of being home with a parent.

    People do what they have to do, I suppose, but they should think about the sacrifice and ask if they are making the right one?

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  59. I am with you on the "refeminization" point that you are making. And I agree that a big part of this is for more women to take the leap and head home! It's a tough issue though, because I think that there's plenty of women who don't know what to do with themselves once they get there. Our mindset, our culture, even our knowledge has changed so drastically, that there ought to be college classes for women who would like to pursue a lifetime career in home management. As a bride-to-be and young bride my church offered a class taught by the older women to the younger women (in years of being married, not age) principles on keeping a home and biblical teachings on a woman's role to her family. It was SO beneficial to so many women, and such a blessing to me as I started out.
    But before we had our first child, we were already stuck in the two-income rutt. I prayed for 3 1/2 years that God would open the doors for me to get home. I just couldn't take the leap of faith. It took moving us from Arizona to Oregon, where we had no one that we knew to watch our children, to get me home with them. We have been living on 1/3 of our former income, and God has provided for our every need. Our faith has deepened, our family has strengthened, and I am able to finally be the mother and wife that I know I need to be, one that is in the home.

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  60. Um........agreed! I think the point that sticks out to me is "we need two incomes...to keep up with the Jones"....GUILTY! I know that when my dh and I got married if we would have made better financial choices we would have been able for me to stay home. But alas, we did not so now my children are "paying" for my poor choices. Because now I have to work just so we can keep Mr Jones debt collector away and by the time I wouldn't have to my kids will be almost grown:( My problem. But wanted to say I totally agree with you and have thought many times that if we lived like we did back in the 50's and 60's things would be better. I'm a 90's child so maybe it is just my obsession with the show MAD MEN that makes me thinks this....but times were simplier, kids seemed happier and so did people!

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  61. This is exactly why I decided to take a Baylor position (work every weekend but home during the week) at work. I don't want my kids raised by other people. I want to be home in the evenings to eat dinner and ask about (pre)school. I can't wait to be home with my family again!

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  62. I know this is an old post but since you linked to it, I am going to leave this comment here where it belongs.

    I stay at home and we sacrifice hugely to do it.
    I do make a little extra money by taking care of a friend's son when both her and her husband have to work (approx. 1-2 days a week).

    This is a family I love. The dad and my husband have been friends since childhood. We all starting dating within months of each other and have been inseparable over the years. We have been their through the deaths of their parents and she is a labor and delivery nurses who helped deliver both my babies ( I let her put my hand up my hoo-hah. We're pretty close).

    I love their son, and I am thankful he didn't have to go to daycare or be with strangers. But it isn't the same. I just don't love him like my own children. I try to nurture him when he is here, but at the end of the day, I am providing CARE for him, not being a mother to him.

    On the surface you would not be able to tell a difference between him and my other children, I treat him just the same. But I'm just here to tell you that if there is anyone out there who thinks that a caregiver's love is "good enough", they are wrong. I am here to tell you it just isn't the same and even very young kids know it. He still cries for his mommy and she doesn't answer.

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I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

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