As "lucky" homeowners, we've never before had to deal with insurance adjusters, claims, and "withholding checks"...we're totally green at this.
I'd like to take this opportunity, to share with you, what we've learned over the last month.
My friends..."How To Make an Insurance Claim...brought to you by, Mama M."
1. Have a *tree (*insert your "Natural Disaster" here) fall on your **house (**insert your affected asset here).
2. Immediately stock up on whiskey...or, if drinking is not your thing, a good, sturdy cement block upon which you'll repeatedly bash your head.
3. Since it is the weekend, because above stated natural disasters never happen during business hours, plan to spend the next couple of days practicing your preferred method of step #2.
4. Never mistakenly think things will move quickly, and that you'll be able to just lickety split make above stated claim, contact insurance adjuster, arrange time for adjuster to "adjust" said claim, and secure a contractor. If you're lucky, it'll only take 90 years.
5. Remember, good guys never win. Which means, you'll hafta be the bad guy if you wanna win...or else you'll get screwed.
6. In between steps 3, 4, and 5...you may need to repeat step 2 if you either A) run out of whiskey, or B) bash your cement block to smithereens with overuse.
7. When your "partial" insurance check arrives in the mail...don't think you can just go to the bank to tuck it away safely. Ohhhhhhhh no. Said check needs to be carted all over the Upper MidWest to secure endorsements.
8. After you've driven to Timbuktu for an endorsement, you'll learn that you need copies of your drivers' licences (plural "drivers" because everyone and their brother with whom you've had any contact with in the last 400 years will need to ante up their driver's license for the endorsement), a copy of some kind of worksheet, a big hearty sigh, and a major attitude adjustment.
9. Leave Timbuktu with unendorsed check and (this is optional) flip the insurance company the bird for not informing you of requirements.
10. On your way home from Timbuktu, stop at either A) the liquor store (for more whiskey) or B) the hardware store (for more cement blocks).
11. Decide it would just be easier to live in an apartment. Until you remember that you have 5 kids, in which case living in an apartment would likely drive you to the loony bin.
12. Change your mind about the apartment, and instead, wish you were independently wealthy, debt free and had no use for insurance.
13. Forget where you put the check that needs signatures from everyone short of the President of the United States.
14. Heave a big, hearty sigh, shrug your shoulders, and laugh. 'Cuz if you don't laugh, you're liable to cry...and laughing is just a lot more fun.
not laughing, not laughing, not laughing with you
ReplyDeletenot laughing, not laughing, not laughing with you
ReplyDeleteCrap! That's all I have to say about that.
ReplyDeleteI can one-up you!! Try this out for size:
ReplyDeleteYou've been married for TWO WEEKS. You and your brand spankin' new husband each own a home, so you continue renting his, he moves into yours, and you attempt to figure out who'll pay which bills, since you're both Active Duty Navy with pretty good paychecks (although one of you has a shoe fetish and therefore no savings). 12 days after your wedding, you head out to sea and 3 days after that, Brand Spanking New Husband leaves for Iraq. 3 days after THAT a fluke tornado goes right down your street and causes several thousand bucks of damage. The only person with power of attorney is your dad and HE is in Italy on business. There's a hole in your roof and a bashed in first floor window, among other things. Your chain of command won't let you leave the ship to take care of business. You don't have internet access on the ship, but you beg to use your Commanding Officer's phone to call your mom and your insurance company. You (and your mom) bribe said insurance company to allow your mom to start the claim process WITHOUT a power of attorney. An hour later you give your chain of command your resignation letter, siting that this was the last in a long string of events that has led you to the opinion that you don't want to remain in the Navy.
Sorry...that was long... I'll have to give that story it's full justice on my own blog some day!
this reminds me a ALOT of the claim experience I had last year when I got new siding and a new roof . . .Oh, M, I'm sorry! love you! I'll come help you with step 2 (the drinking option) if you need me too :)
ReplyDeleteoh my. not what i would want to walk out to see. Hope everything goes smoothly and quickly for you. that really sucks
ReplyDeleteWe just got a new roof. Our check did not have our mortgage company listed so we deposited and wrote a check out to the roof company the same night. Little did we know, USAA decided to hold the check for 10 business days because it was an "unusual" deposit into our account. Freakin' lovely!
ReplyDeleteYikes! Sounds like a very "special" experience!
ReplyDeleteYuck. Ugh. Gross - I hate bureaucracies like hemorrhoids. Good luck with that - I have a tendency to get pissed or give up... We're house-hunting (again) now, so note to self: no trees within crushing distance of the house... Lesson learned ;o) Oh yeah... and become independently wealthy and debt-free first.
ReplyDeleteaww...(HUGS)
ReplyDeletesorry you have to deal w/ all of this crap!
jess