Ugh.
Here I sit, once again typing from my phone and cursing myself for not
bringing my charger home from work. But alas, a New Year's Resolution is
a New Year's Resolution and BLOG I MUST.
Now...to see if I can break those stifling binders and see if I can really let some of these crazy thoughts that clog brain let loose!
See ya tomorrow!
M.
It's
been fun hearing from those of you who claimed you "missed my
blogging"...makes me happy that once upon a time I maybe made you laugh,
or cry, or shake your fist at my writing! I feel like there are so many
reasons that led to my decrease in writing...SO. MANY.
Where do I even start?
Let's
start with the one most obvious to me...and probably most difficult to
speak to, because I'm a pleaser. Please I must and if I don't please,
GOOD GRACIOUS it eats at me. Here is a morsel of honesty for you, and
for those that know me in real life, PLEASE take no offense! Remember,
me = pleaser...and don't stop reading, either...okay, back to that
morsel of honesty: I preferred to blog when I was more anonymous.
It
seemed that as more and more people I knew "for real" started finding
out about my blog that I began to feel a bit stifled. And somewhat
pigeon holed. Birthday posts for errrrrbody, trying to mention this
person or post a picture of that person or wrote about something that my
adorable grandpa suggested I write about when what I really wanted to
do was shout: BUT THIS IS MY BLOG!! And while I was proud that those
that loved me enjoyed reading my blog, it made me nervous.
A little uneasy.
What
if I wrote about a hot topic issue and someone mistakenly thought I was
writing about them? OR, what if I DID want to write about something
that was aging at me that involved someone I knew and what if they were
offended? What if I wanted to write about God or prayer and someone
close to me thought I was a bible banging religious freak?
I
began to struggle, a lot, with who was reading and what I was posting
(which, let's be honest, can sometimes be a good filter...albeit a
stifling filter) and my post topics got narrower and narrower until I
felt like al I could write about were trips to South Dakota. Or
something. ;) And before long I slipped into a pattern of dreaded
obligation and gah, who wants THAT in their life. Check this out:
I went from near daily posting to half that and then dropped off drastically each year!
Near
the end of 2016 I really began to miss this blog. Writing has always
been my strongest form of communication and it truly helps me process my
thoughts. Whoda thunk that the very thing I loved initially I would
grow to dread and then come full circle?! I'm still definitely finding
my "groove" but man alive, I'm glad I pushed myself to start up again!
Now...to see if I can break those stifling binders and see if I can really let some of these crazy thoughts that clog brain let loose!
See ya tomorrow!
M.
I definately miss you here and in real life.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA
ReplyDeleteYou know how much I love you... You are a talented writer and I love your humor and honesty.... You make me laugh and cry... So glad you're back!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand that! I had weight loss surgery a little over a year ago, and have many posted about that.. But one of the things that's come with it is unresolved issues, and mostly with family. I felt like I needed to write about it, but didn't feel like I could on my blog, because either they'd read it and get upset, or a family friend would read it, talk to them about it, and then they'd get upset. I did write one, kind of passive-aggressive, blog post but even that made people upset. Also, in the last year I've done a lot of soul searching, and changed my religious preferences.. I live in Utah, I was Mormon, now not so much.. But my family is still Mormon, so it's hard for them to understand, same with my friends. It's hard writing anything about that, as I feel like people will judge me and talk, and I really don't want to deal with that..
ReplyDeleteAnyway, that was a super long comment, but what I really wanted to say is that I totally understand. I hope that you'll be able to find your groove, and maybe try to not care so much what people will read. Good luck! :)