Skip to main content

Day 3

Happy Mondaytuesday, my friends!

Mondaytuesdays really aren't that great, are they? I mean, I guess in the big picture it means you don't have a MONDAY Monday, but still. Blech. Tossed right back into reality after a glorious Christmas break.

I've been thinking a lot I the only one that feels slightly conflicted emotions at the start of a new year? I'm equal parts excited to see what the year holds and terrified. I don't always remember being fearful of a new year and I think I can trace that feeling back to when my brother-in-law died. It really brought to light how fleeting time is and how so much can change in a split second...then, when you think about how many "split seconds" there are in a year?

Well, that grips my heart with fear.

And so, I pray.

I pray that God protects us from harm. I pray we all have good health. And I pray that my heart can be at peace. That I can live in the moment and appreciate all the good and the fun and the wonderful that happens right in front of me and not worry about all those "split seconds" that are lined up before me.

I've also found that I've wasted a lot of those split seconds by having my face in my phone much more than my children deserve. They deserve me and my attention and while, sure, I could argue that I "deserve" some "me time" the fact remains that I am a mom and when you become a mom "me time" takes a back seat to everything else. I won't try to pull the wool over your eyes and lead you to believe that I have suddenly become a 100% engaged mama, but I will tell you it is a conscious effort for me to put down my phone...and I think I'm doing a decent job of it.

I think.

Recently, over Christmas break, I was talking with my big boy (half jokingly) about when 12 step programs would start for those addicted to their mobile devices...he's pretty sure they probably already do exist and by golly, how many of us do you think could qualify for THAT program?

*Raises hand*

So, my friends, let us be all in...let us appreciate every single one of those "split seconds" for the joy they have to offer us. #dropthephonemama

See you tomorrow,

(Funny...I thought this post would be more about the fear I feel at the start of the new year...and instead it became a bit of a confessional! You never know where a blog post will take you...)


Popular posts from this blog

Our Colorado Trip

One week ago today, I had skied myself down a mountain (several times) and survived.

Oh, you guys...Colorado has captured my heart. I loved our vacation like you wouldn't believe and while I am not (nor will I ever be) a world class skier (let's be honest, greens are where you'll find me...and I won't be whizzing down them, either!), the mountains and the skiing and the fresh air and the walking everywhere? I grabbed a hold of me and doesn't seem to be making any moves to let go!

Check out this view from our hotel room!!

I just told someone today, "If I had had my kids with me, I'm not sure I would've come back." I felt so healthy and vibrant and alive...ugh, I wanna go back!

Funny story, the first evening we were in Beaver Creek, we walked down to the village and I got my first real look at the ski runs...I thought, "Huh. They don't look so bad." and we went about our business and had supper and went ice skating and tucked ourselves in…

Sludge.'s like a thick sludge, hard to wade through, difficult to know which way is up, feeling like you'll never get out of it.
Today was a rough day. I'm not sure if it was just setting in, or that grief coupled with today being Baby Girl's and my birthday, was just a bad combination, but whatever it was, I found it hard to keep the tears at bay.
Just when I thought I'd have it pulled together, I'd hear or read the words, "I'm sorry", or field a phone call, or think about the amazing outpouring of love and support...and the tears would flow. Fast and furious.
I've discovered that my rock, my strength, comes from being around family; specifically, my husband. When I'm alone, the thoughts and memories coming flooding in and the tears come pouring out. My brother-in-law, Verd, was an amazing man. Actually, "amazing" doesn't even do him justice, I wish I could find a word great enough to describe the kind of man he was.

My heart…

What I've learned.

Tomorrow marks the return to a "new reality" for our family.
After a couple of good days, I know everyone is apprehensive about what tomorrow will bring. I guess we'll just have to see.
This past week has taught me a lot...not the least of which was how many lives my brother-in-law had touched. Over 2,500 people waited in line, each for about 2 hours, to pay their respects to him at his wake. I was blown away...we were ALL blown away. At his funeral, the church held more people than it had ever held before...Christmas mass and Easter Sunday included.
Our priest was even amazed.
I also learned, probably most importantly, just what an amazing family I married into. Just how wonderful they all are, how strong they all are, how faithful they all are. As I spent this week "disconnected", I realized I was more connected than I had ever my family.
I learned that the things that matter most in life are those that can't have a value placed on them. It's no…