Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Live and Learn

One of the things I love about having a blog, is the lessons I learn. The knowledge I gain from insightful readers, like you.

I tend to get very passionate about things, emotional even, and when my emotions are raw, I tend to word vomit. Just purge whatever thoughts are in my mind before I process them thoroughly and in the end? Well, I can come off sounding like a b-word.

In my "Take Back our Kids" post, I realized, almost immediately after hitting "Publish", that perhaps I should've sat on that one a bit, but I truly believe that once something is "put out there" that you don't take it back. "Taking it back" (i.e. "unpublishing" it) seems cowardly to me, and for the most part, I stand by what I said...with some exceptions.

1. I recognize, now, that some people work full time out of necessity, and my generalizations were hurtful to some that would prefer to stay home more with their kids but are either single parents or have found themselves in upside down mortgages after the housing slump and have to work full time just to make ends meet.

2. That stay at home parents don't "own the market" on loving our kids.

3. That I can come off as "holier than thou" and that makes me want to vomit. I'm sorry. I never intended to imply that I was somehow better than anyone else. (Whether it is not sending my kids to full time school/daycare or having med-free births or breastfeeding...never want to think that I'm better than anyone else, because I'm not.)

What I do still believe, what I was trying to say (and failed to say well) is that once we choose to become parents, it ceases to be about "us" anymore. Our "me" time needs to stop being the priority and our kids need to start being the priority. 

I still don't think full time kindergarten is necessary. Many adults I know are completely wiped out after a 5 day work week, why would we want to put our 5 year olds through that? I hate that the push is for this and I'm being "forced" to comply.

More than anything, even financial success, I want my kids to learn that they are loved, unconditionally, and to develop healthy, interpersonal relationships. I see the foundation of those relationships beginning in the home, with mom and dad and God at the center. Do I care if they are blue collar workers? Not as long as they're happy and loved.

I do realize I am blessed, I am lucky that I get to be at home (most of the time) with my part time nursing gig serves me well, and I DO see that I am very blessed to have the luxury of raising my kids, instead of handing them over to someone else to raise.

Next item up for debate: The Apology.

Wow. You guys are right. Is there anything worse than an insincere apology?

But, as a parent, how do you make sure that your child learns the value of an apology? Something that is VERY hard to learn, without being prompted or, even, forced a bit?

Sure, I can say "You know what we want you to do and I trust that you'll make the right decision." which, when I was a kid, would've left me skipping away feeling like I got off scott free! "Woo hoo! It's up to me! I don't have to apologize!", but will that teach them how incredibly important an apology is when you are wrong?

Some of you say just having feelings acknowledged is enough for some kids and yet others say, why make her apologize for a true statement? (For the record, there is more to the story, I just didn't want to lay it all out for the world to see, you know?) Perhaps the other kid is gullible, why apologize for that? True enough. But then where do you draw the line? The things that were said about this little girl were true...but they were hurtful. Does that make them okay to say?

I don't think so. I just don't think you should say anything about someone that could hurt them. Have I? Yes, I have. Should I? Heck no. Will I still? I'm sure I will. I'm human. I'm not perfect. Or holier-than-thou.

I love having my mind opened. I love it when you guys make me think. And mostly, I love that you've all been so respectful (mostly...the "holier-than-thou" comment sucker punched me a bit) in your words. 

Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. I don't see it as being holier than thou. I view it as passion, which is important in life.

    I've worked since I was 16 and this is the first time I'm unemployed. My husband and I both know I need to return to the work field after our son is born and neither of us is particularly pleased with the idea. Fortunately, we have family on both sides who are willing and able to take care of our children. But nothing replaces a parents' love. It will be extra work on our part, but top priority on the list, to make sure our son knows how loved he is.


I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with long as they are respectful!


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