This is Mama. I'm hot. As in, "the weather outside is frightful"...but remember this post? When I promised not to complain about the heat and humidity? Well, I lied about the humidity part.
Imma complainin' woman right now!
So, seriously, it is like a freakin' jungle here. And, you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. In fact, I've been told it's worse than the jungle. Our dew point on Sunday was 85 degrees of the Fahrenheit variety, the rainforest was 75. MinneSOOOOOta...land of 10,000 months of winter, is more humid than a tropical rainforest.
Dear Lord help me Jesus.
Plus, have I ever told you we don't have central airconditioning? Yeah, we don't.
I can totally see why crime rates rise with rising temps...my nerves are SHOT. Actually, scratch that...my nerves are shot because in an effort to avoid our sauna like abode (see, I said "abode", 'cuz that's kinda rainforesty), I took the kids to the mall.
And then I was hot AND I wanted to gouge my eyes out and run away screaming and crying...but my mom told me my kids would catch me. I pictured something like what would happen if you tried to run away from a pack of lions.
Torn limb from limb.
So, I decided not to run...but gouging my eyes out still ranked up there on a list things that would prolly be more fun than hanging out in a mall for 6 hours with young children.
It's a tough call. WTH was I thinking?!
Today, however, we're seeking comfort in other things. Like, sitting outside in a baseball stadium that happens to be located in the middle of a metropolitan rainforest and watching guys (who are wearing polyester and sliding shorts and nut cups and hats...can you imagine how HOT they get?!) swing bats and while I try to wave at Joe Mauer.
Hey Joe, if you're reading this, I'll be the clumsy, Polish blond chick, who's sweating buckets and resembles something like a drown rat, waving to you from somewhere in the stands.
So, my friends...I'm sorry. I know I promised that I'd stifle it about the humidity, but I can't.
And now, with my laptop on my lap, my core body temperature has risen to 173 degrees and I must get this thing off my lap before my skin starts to melt.
A couple of weeks ago, I cut a deal with Texas...heat for rain.
I didn't ask for their stupid humidity, too.
Your incredibly hot Mama (not to be confused with "HAWT"...which, trust me, I most definitely am NOT.)