Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Welcome to the Jungle.


Dear Friends,

This is Mama. I'm hot. As in, "the weather outside is frightful"...but remember this post? When I promised not to complain about the heat and humidity? Well, I lied about the humidity part.

Imma complainin' woman right now!

So, seriously, it is like a freakin' jungle here. And, you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. In fact, I've been told it's worse than the jungle. Our dew point on Sunday was 85 degrees of the Fahrenheit variety, the rainforest was 75. MinneSOOOOOta...land of 10,000 months of winter, is more humid than a tropical rainforest.

Dear Lord help me Jesus.

Plus, have I ever told you we don't have central airconditioning? Yeah, we don't.

I can totally see why crime rates rise with rising temps...my nerves are SHOT. Actually, scratch that...my nerves are shot because in an effort to avoid our sauna like abode (see, I said "abode", 'cuz that's kinda rainforesty), I took the kids to the mall.

And then I was hot AND I wanted to gouge my eyes out and run away screaming and crying...but my mom told me my kids would catch me. I pictured something like what would happen if you tried to run away from a pack of lions.

Death.

Torn limb from limb.

Disemboweled.

So, I decided not to run...but gouging my eyes out still ranked up there on a list things that would prolly be more fun than hanging out in a mall for 6 hours with young children.

It's a tough call. WTH was I thinking?!

Today, however, we're seeking comfort in other things. Like, sitting outside in a baseball stadium that happens to be located in the middle of a metropolitan rainforest and watching guys (who are wearing polyester and sliding shorts and nut cups and hats...can you imagine how HOT they get?!) swing bats and while I try to wave at Joe Mauer.

Hey Joe, if you're reading this, I'll be the clumsy, Polish blond chick, who's sweating buckets and resembles something like a drown rat, waving to you from somewhere in the stands.

So, my friends...I'm sorry. I know I promised that I'd stifle it about the humidity, but I can't.

And now, with my laptop on my lap, my core body temperature has risen to 173 degrees and I must get this thing off my lap before my skin starts to melt.

A couple of weeks ago, I cut a deal with Texas...heat for rain.

I didn't ask for their stupid humidity, too.

Signing off,
Your incredibly hot Mama (not to be confused with "HAWT"...which, trust me, I most definitely am NOT.)


12 comments:

  1. I'm feeling 'ya. NJ is in the middle of a heat spell, also, and we are looking down the barrel of 98 degrees today, but I know that means over 100. We can escape to the community pool, but I need to unpack this house, since we moved last week. There is no escaping that and it might just kill me.
    http://amysreallife.wordpress.com

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  2. I think all Minnesotans have earned a free whining pass to use this week. We don't have central air either and this is brutal. It's not often that I get excited to come to work, but for the 8 hour reprieve from the heat, work isn't so bad this week. Have fun at Target field!

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  3. Oh, that really bites! So next time, when your weather is still cold while the rest of us are enjoying the sun, I know you'll be keeping it mum.
    Sorry you don't have central a/c. It does make life pretty unbearable. If I were in that situation, I'd sleep in the kitchen with the freezer door open. I may live in Florida, but this girl likes to stay indoors, in my air conditioned 75 degree house.

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  4. Oh girl.. that sucks about having no A/C... but, as a Houstonian that receives the WORST of the Texas humidity, I can only empathize. Because I can guarantee that our humidity is a helluva lot worse than yours! It's awful. Not being able to go outside from late May until September is NO FUN!! I didn't bargain on this when I moved from Ohio, that's for sure! Try to stay cool (and sane) during this miserable time!! :)

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  5. I feel your pain. Granted, we live in the swamp that is DC. However, 5000% humidity at 5:30 am is not as awesome as it sounds. Oh yeah, and it is already 85 at that time as well. Fan-freaking-tastic. Yay summer?

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  6. nope, complain about the humidity!! my best friend is up in the twin cities and you guys are getting it bad!!!

    in DC here myself and I am with alison... then our central AC went out, so not even the AC thing can keep up with this 'tropical heat wave!!'

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  7. Seriously?!?!? I thought I was the last person in the world to jest get central air! See...if we were neighbors, I'd invite your brood over for lemonade (and mommy lemonade for us). Then, we'd laugh and visit while the kids self-determined the pecking order. If it's any consolation, I'm planning on camping somettime in this heat. Ummmm...in an air conditioned RV. :)

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  8. I'm still wearing hoodies and socks every day here in the pacific northwest. We may never see summer this year. Want to trade?? Please???

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  9. We got some rain sorry you got some humidity it was 99* at my house yesterday and humidity was 77% UGH

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  10. ohmygosh, I am dying over here, too! I hate the humidity! I complain when it's -40 (I'm your neighbor to the west in ND) and when it's +90!

    By the way, I really enjoy your blog, writing, etc.

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  11. I feel your pain. It's bloody hot and humid here in Atlanta. I'm 35 weeks pregnant, so I'm a serious cranky pants. Running errands and getting in and out of the hot car makes me a very miserable person to be around

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  12. couldn't agree more! i live 10 min. away from target field and about died all week. i thought it was over yesterday, but apparently it's back! never moving down south! can't stand it!

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I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

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