Boy, do I have a deal for you!! Brace yourselves...you're not gonna believe what I'm about to offer!
Okay...are you braced?
Are you ready?
For Sale: One set of extremely wicked allergies. Itchy throat and runny nose included.
To make the deal even sweeter, I'll throw in two red, watery, itchy, scratchy, wanna take your fingernails, or a bottle brush, or maybe some sandpaper to 'em eyeballs!!
I know, deal of the century, right?! Now...name your price.
Highest bidder takes home the prize!