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The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

Yesterday, we got invaded.

I was terrified, wounded, and suffering.

And Mr. Wonderful was laughing at me...laughing. (So much for that wonderful-ness!)

And, it wasn't the Russians, but...wasps!!! Great big, two bodied, angry as hornets (or wait...maybe they were hornets?!!!), wasps!

Yesterday, I had resolutely resolved to avoid my computer. I was gonna focus, attack, and conquer some housekeeping duties! No bloggin' for this chick...I was gonna tackle this mess that we call home. Mount Laundry was looking especially daunting, so I plopped my butt down and started folding.

Thinking sweet thoughts about my children, my husband, how fabulous our home was gonna look when I was all through with it...I felt a little sting on my leg.

"Ouch." I thought to myself, and a half a nano-second later, it hit..."OUCH! OUCH!! OUCH!! Holy mother of God!!! What is THAT?!!!"

My leg was on fire, my heart was racing as I jumped up and saw an angry old wasp making his way up Mount Laundry...apparently beginning from somewhere near my ankle.

In a panic, my leg ablaze with the venom of this nasty little bugger, I was flailing about the living room, certain I was going to die. (*Sigh*...for the second time in a week...) When I saw wasp number two in the dining room!

I grabbed the phone, my voice cracking, my leg throbbing, my heart pounding, and called my knight in shining armour.

And you know what he did?

He laughed.

He laughed, you guys! "Um, well, see the thing is...um...hee hee...well, yesterday, ha ha, I was putting the caps on the chimney, and ah...hee hee, ha ha, there were a bunch of wasp nests inside them. But they were all sleepy, hee hee, 'cuz of the cold, so they didn't sting me...ha ha, and I didn't realize they were there until I kept trying to cram on the cap, hee hee, ha ha, chuckle chuckle, and well...um, some of them must have fallen down into the fireplace."

Yeah, real funny. Turns out, they saw a couple wasps that very night...think he told me? Nope. A little, "Oh, and hey, love of my life? Watch out for wasps today" would've been nice...but no.

And...and?!!! He didn't come home to save us!! His shining armour is officially tarnished!

When I fretted to him, "But, but...what if I'm allergic!!!"

His response was, "Sounds like you're breathing okay."

I was left to defend my home against these evil beasts! I sequestered myself and the two littles in the basement for the day...there went my resolution for cleaning...but, alas, the day wasn't a complete wash!

For, my lovely computer sits in our basement...far, far away from any threatening, stinging, angry bugs.

Supper did have to be made...so I ventured upstairs to the kitchen, where I spotted another nasty sniper, trying to sneak up on me on the counter...and I squashed him...then I saw another, on the floor and I squished him...all the while ducking my head and keeping an eye on the two squatters up in the corner of the kitchen.

Kinda makes me feel bad, killing these bees, when there's that California Bee Crisis and all.

Okay, no it doesn't.

Not at all.

Not one teeny, tiny, eensy, weensy little part of me felt bad for smooshing the guts out of those crabby, vile little things.

And Mr. Wonderful? He needs to polish his armour tonight.


Comments

  1. I would have left the house!! That's like my worst nightmare..

    Good post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Man alive!! I would have killed him!!! He better get polishing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate stinging insects. They always seem to find me.

    Hey btw, I just gave you an award. Hop on over to my blog to see it. I always enjoy my visits.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Never a dull moment at your zoo, eh??!

    ReplyDelete
  5. No way! I would've been livid if my hubs KNEW about them and didn't say something. The horror! I hate insects of all kinds and this would've freaked me right out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love reading your blog! You are SO funny! sorry about the bug bite!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are delightful!
    Glad you survived the invasion!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your post had me cracking up! I'm allergic to bees-- epi-pen and all-- so any flying creature with a stinger terrifies me!

    ReplyDelete

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