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Talkin' Shop...Dissecting Reader's Digest

When the November edition of the Reader's Digest arrived on my door, I saw that they made this issue just for me: (If you can't read backwards, hold your computer monitor up to the mirror...just don't say "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary" three times with your back to the mirror or something scary will happen. At least that's what they told me when I was 7.)

Since the Reader's Digest neglected to contact moi (insert sarcasm font here) about what I would or would not tell patients, I have decided to dissect the article for you. Aren't you lucky?!

Today, we'll start with the very first quote from "50 Things Your Nurse Won't Tell You": (Michelle, Crouch. "50 Secrets Your Nurse Won't Tell You." Reader's Digest. November 2011: 132-41. Print.):

"When you tell me how much you drink or smoke or how often you do drugs, I automatically double or triple it." -A longtime nurse in Texas

Um. Yeah. No.

Never, not one single solitary time have I ever doubled or tripled how often you told me you snorted crack. Or how many packs of cigarettes you smoke or 5ths of whiskey you drink. Never.

However, if you tell me that you smoke 1/2 pack of cigarettes a day but really it's only 2 or 3 'cuz you've cut down and politely decline a nicotine patch but 3 hours into your hospital stay you are climbing the walls, snapping at everyone that enters your room and claiming that hospitals drive you crazy and you just need to go outside for a second for some "fresh air"...I'll admit, I will wonder if you told me a little white lie with that 1/2 pack that you said was really only 2 or 3 cigarrettes.

I may be blond, but I ain't stupid.

And that wraps up our first dissection (I sort of feel like I'm teaching an anatomy class right now...) of the Reader's Digest article...until next week, my friends!


  1. More! More! Love the talkin' shop posts!

  2. Wow! I think, like any profession, there are good and bad eggs (you fall under the good egg catagory, don't worry!). I think articles with statements like this just make the general public more suspicious of professionals who are in the majority when it comes to good morals and values.

  3. I wonder how she decides if she is going to double or triple it? Based on how you look? Scary.

  4. Yes yes yes!! More more!! :) I love your talkin shop posts! I learn so much!
    And if I EVER found out that my nurse did that (I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. But if I did).. I would have a HUGE complaint against her! Definitely if those notes needed to go to the insurance company for whatever reason.. I'd be SO mad!
    Anywho.. Thanks for posting!! :)

  5. lol- I love it! Look forward to more!

  6. Whenever I go in for surgery or when I get an epidural, I always tack on an extra 50 lbs when they ask my weight because I want to make sure I get enough of the good stuff.

  7. It is funny cuz I had an outpatient surgery and the doctor questioned my husband if I had any cocktails the night before He said NO and I didn’t have any for 4 days. She said that the anesthesiologist had a hard time putting me to sleep. But that wasn’t the first time my episiotomy shot didn’t work the first time either. Wonder why it happened?


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