Oh, the things we do for our kids, huh? Starts out fun enough...you know, um, the "tumble" we take to start our kids??? You know? *wink, wink* You know?
But then, oh the yuck...barfing in Subway cups in the car, peeing every 2.7 seconds, and the heartburn...oh the heartburn!!! Then your second trimester starts and you feel like a new woman...or perhaps it's just relative...you know, feeling crummy for so long do we actually feel great in our second tri or are we just so glad to be done with the first tri yuckies that we think we feel fabulous?! Now that's somethin' to ponder!
Anyway, then the third trimester arrives...with you all "cute" and glowy. At least that's what everyone tells you, but you know better...ahhh, yes, you know better! Gigantic boobs, even gigantic-er belly, puffy face, best friends with the potty once again (except now, rather than hanging your head in it, your hanging your butt in it). Yeah, that's cute.
Labor arrives, we willingly, excitedly look forward to pushing out a, oh, somewhere between 6 and 10 pound miracle. What we're left with is a flabby belly, stretch marks in places you never though stretch marks could exist, a bladder that, once again, keeps you on the toilet more often than not, and the boobs. Ugh, the boobs. Say good bye to your beautiful, perky, teenageryish boobs, they have left you for-evuah.
Repeat above sequence a few times, and emphasize last paragraph (especially the boob part)...if you repeat in rapid succession, the above sequence, you'll completely forget what your "pre-baby" body looked like, and it won't be that hard on you that way.
Now, I know why plastic surgeons make gobs of money...stomachs stretched beyond anything billions of crunches could touch...boobs left resembling skin-tags (at least mine were!)...yup, as I said, gobs of money.
If only they could have a surgeon that fixes hippocampuses (hippocampii??)...yeah, give us a little more time to enjoy those little body wrecking munchkins...you know?
But then, oh the yuck...barfing in Subway cups in the car, peeing every 2.7 seconds, and the heartburn...oh the heartburn!!! Then your second trimester starts and you feel like a new woman...or perhaps it's just relative...you know, feeling crummy for so long do we actually feel great in our second tri or are we just so glad to be done with the first tri yuckies that we think we feel fabulous?! Now that's somethin' to ponder!
Anyway, then the third trimester arrives...with you all "cute" and glowy. At least that's what everyone tells you, but you know better...ahhh, yes, you know better! Gigantic boobs, even gigantic-er belly, puffy face, best friends with the potty once again (except now, rather than hanging your head in it, your hanging your butt in it). Yeah, that's cute.
Labor arrives, we willingly, excitedly look forward to pushing out a, oh, somewhere between 6 and 10 pound miracle. What we're left with is a flabby belly, stretch marks in places you never though stretch marks could exist, a bladder that, once again, keeps you on the toilet more often than not, and the boobs. Ugh, the boobs. Say good bye to your beautiful, perky, teenageryish boobs, they have left you for-evuah.
Repeat above sequence a few times, and emphasize last paragraph (especially the boob part)...if you repeat in rapid succession, the above sequence, you'll completely forget what your "pre-baby" body looked like, and it won't be that hard on you that way.
Now, I know why plastic surgeons make gobs of money...stomachs stretched beyond anything billions of crunches could touch...boobs left resembling skin-tags (at least mine were!)...yup, as I said, gobs of money.
If only they could have a surgeon that fixes hippocampuses (hippocampii??)...yeah, give us a little more time to enjoy those little body wrecking munchkins...you know?
HAHAHA.... you crack me up! Thanks for the smile today I really needed it! Found you on mckmamas blog a few weeks ago and have been a daily reader since! Keep it up :)
ReplyDeleteOh, too funny... but it makes me rethink my desire to have so many children! The horrors of pregnancy, childbirth and the body aftermath. Haha... And men think they have it bad!
ReplyDeleteUghh, the boobs!
ReplyDeleteBoy do I know, maybe a little TMI but my youngest (child #3) came in to my room when she was 3 and I was sitting on the bed changing and she pointed and said, "mommy what are THOSE for??" Sitting there trying to figure out just what to say and how much to this little toddler...she answered me before I got a chance...
She said, "Oh! I know! They're to keep your belly warm."
I am SO with ya! The things we do! Every day when I get in the shower I have to tell myself over and over "They were worth it, they were worth it!" hee hee! j/k They really are worth it!
ReplyDeletehaha! my aunt and I laughed about the many possibilites that happens during and after pregnancy and how awful that would be to have all the possible negative things occur!
ReplyDelete...gee, one of the things I loved about nursing, was that I looked "well-endowed", "bosomy-blessed", "voluptuous". Too bad, that only lasted as long as I was nursing! and continual pregnancies to achieve that look... wasn't an option.
and too big of a wimp and too chicken to consider implants!