Monday, August 24, 2009

Not My Child! Monday!

Who's up for a little Not My Child! Monday? Brought to you courtesy of MckMama...check it out!

One evening, after not freaking out about the petechiae I found on Little A. (ugh...the horrors of being a mom and a nurse--you know too much, but, yet, you don't know enough), I was (not) on the phone with the pediatrician, having avoided all hoop jumping, I crossed (I mean, I didn't cross) all boundaries and just called her, since I have the digits memorized from work (shame on me! Shame, shame on me!!). So, deep in consultation with the doc, paying no attention to the going on's around me...I didn't see Big A. frantically waving his arms at me...I glanced over, saw a tiny baby turd on the bed, but didn't register said tiny baby turd and continued on with the doc. Soon, the frantic waving became all out full body waving...I was just finishing up the phone, I disconnected, and gave my full attention to the situation. I didn't discover, my to my disgust...Tiny Girl...with a little poo smear on her upper lip, a bit on her hands, and...a couple of baby teeth prints in aforementioned baby turd. Gross!!! My child would never, ever do something so utterly disgusting...oh, no...not my sweet little angels!! :)

Sweet little E.W...he's just a love! And my dear Gram...also, just a love. Gram, who is about as prim and proper as they come...tends to, um...ignore the toots that come from her...E.W, at the perfect height (or not so perfect!)...heard something slip one day. He did not proceed to hound dear Gram, asking her, over and over, "Grandma, how do you fart ("fowt")?...Gram? Grandma? How do you fowt? Like this, pfffttttt? Grandma? Like this...ppppfffffttttttt?" No, my child would never be so utterly obsessed with bodily functions...couldn't possibly have been my child!!

Potty training is near and dear to my heart...we start early, and, preferably, in the summer. Makes for easy training...'specially for little boys. Yes, we allow our boys to "pee on a tree", or on the grass, on the driveway, in the woods, on the tires, etc. etc. So, one crisp fall morning, shortly after having been potty trained, Little A. was at Big A.'s football game, when someone, grabbed Mr. Wonderful's attention and pointed. There, down where everyone could see, was not at naked Little A. butt, peeing freely, watering the football field. In complete view of everyone. No, not My Child!!

Along those lines, we have since, um...instructed our boys to go "behind a tree" if they need to pee outside. At tennis this summer, I looked back...again Little A. this time...not once again naked from the waist down...and,indeed, not peeing behind a tree. Only, he didn't realize (apparently) that there was a parking lot behind ensued a "your behind a tree, may be someone elses in front of a tree"...I'm not so sure that lesson sunk in. My children are not so uninhibited that they pee where they way, Not My Child!

And so goes the "Bodily Function" Not My Child! Monday! Sheesh, didn't even realize 'til I was done that that was all my post was about! Happy Monday, friends!


  1. :) ...I'm still laughing
    If it were not for trees and tires...I'm sure my son may have never been potty trained..(he liked to mark his spot, like the dog) :)

  2. I think I just threw up in a my mouth a little!! I couldn't get past Tiny Girl's snack. Yuck-ola!

  3. Bahahahaha! With 4 boys I have lived every single one of these Not Me's. I LOVE the Grandma story. :D

  4. once again... laughing...

    As yours get older and older, they will love these stories about when they were little!

    Ah! you have such a treasure-full of moments! great inspirations for hilarious posts!


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