So, five kids, you know? Five, averaged sized kids squeezed through my netherlands...not too shabby, huh?
Chatting with a pediatrician at work recently, he asked, "How're your four kids?"
"Oh, no" says I, "I have five!"
With a knowing look (he and his OB/GYN wife have four kiddos, in very. rapid. succession)...he says, "Five...so how's that bladder control goin' for ya?"
And now, my friends, I am going to boast. Boast, brag, pat myself on the back.
MY bladder control is amazing. Ah-May-Zing!! You'd think...you'd even probably expect, that I would be a dribbler (and, ah...I'm not talkin' basketball). That I would cross my legs in a fit of laughter, avoid trampolines at all costs, and sit my ("jiggly", as E.W. calls it) butt on the toilet should I dare even think about coughing.
Ah, yes, you'd think! But, alas...it is not so! Not only do I have a bladder the size of Texas (shout out to all you Texans!!), but my control is impeccable. Occasionally, when my gigantic bladder is nearing peak capacity, you may discover a couple of little drips (well, actually, I hope it is not you who discovers it...just sayin', you know?), but gosh who doesn't do that, right? Right?
All things considered, I impress myself (sheesh, that's a little vain)...when my girl friends and I are talking and they start in on bladder control, I sit in silence. Privately basking in the glow of my ability to laugh while spread eagle, to jog a bit without wetting my pants.
I'm kind of a legend among my friends. They look at me with a mixture of awe and envy.
-------------------------------
And in completely unrelated, but still fun news...stop on back tomorrow for "Five Question Friday"! Check it out in my community!
Chatting with a pediatrician at work recently, he asked, "How're your four kids?"
"Oh, no" says I, "I have five!"
With a knowing look (he and his OB/GYN wife have four kiddos, in very. rapid. succession)...he says, "Five...so how's that bladder control goin' for ya?"
And now, my friends, I am going to boast. Boast, brag, pat myself on the back.
MY bladder control is amazing. Ah-May-Zing!! You'd think...you'd even probably expect, that I would be a dribbler (and, ah...I'm not talkin' basketball). That I would cross my legs in a fit of laughter, avoid trampolines at all costs, and sit my ("jiggly", as E.W. calls it) butt on the toilet should I dare even think about coughing.
Ah, yes, you'd think! But, alas...it is not so! Not only do I have a bladder the size of Texas (shout out to all you Texans!!), but my control is impeccable. Occasionally, when my gigantic bladder is nearing peak capacity, you may discover a couple of little drips (well, actually, I hope it is not you who discovers it...just sayin', you know?), but gosh who doesn't do that, right? Right?
All things considered, I impress myself (sheesh, that's a little vain)...when my girl friends and I are talking and they start in on bladder control, I sit in silence. Privately basking in the glow of my ability to laugh while spread eagle, to jog a bit without wetting my pants.
I'm kind of a legend among my friends. They look at me with a mixture of awe and envy.
-------------------------------
And in completely unrelated, but still fun news...stop on back tomorrow for "Five Question Friday"! Check it out in my community!
That sounds pretty legendary! I have had 1 kid and I envy you!
ReplyDeleteBask in the glow, baby, because you're a rare find.
ReplyDeleteI started losing bladder control before having kids, and the whack of pregnancies did nothing but wreck whatever I had left. I had the surgery scheduled in 2005 along with my hysterectomy, but the surgery went really badly, so many complications, so they weren't able to do the repairs. Their focus turned to making sure I survived. I can't fault them for that, in fact, I'm quite thankful. They pulled it off, and here I am. Wonderful. Ironically, they accidentally damaged my bladder in the process. Nice, eh? Needless to say, that surgery was so brutal, I've been afraid to rebook the repairs that they didn't get to do.
All that to say... the title of this post caught my eye, and although I'm not envious by nature, I can't help but envy you a tiny bit (ok, A LOT!).
Enjoy, treasure it!
Oh my gosh, you crack me the heck up! Major kudos to you ... you will forever be the legend that I speak of when I say, "well I *know* someone who was just fine after 5 kids!"
ReplyDeleteMe? I had urgency issues after my first, practically lived on the loo while pregnant with my second, and had to start coming to a complete standstill in order to sneeze while walking after my 3rd(try THAT in a crowded mall around the holidays! it's either get run over or wet myself!)
Thanks for another laugh!
Denise
Wish I could say the same. I can't sneeze without a dribble!
ReplyDeleteWOW impressive! You must have done your kegals....am I right or what? I used to be able to hold it for like days before I had kids I swear, now I am a total leg crosser. The other day I was jumping on the trampoline with my 2 year old and I was the one that peed my pants. ugh.
ReplyDeleteI honestly dribbled a little at this post.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am that person.