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Invitation Etiquette

Help me out with this one, friends.

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable, or if (which just HAS to be the case) I'm right on the money.

Let me preface this with something...I am not Heloise or Ms. Manners or Dear Abby by any means. I'm not all on the up and up on the do's and don't's of all etiquette, but this one? This is one where I think (please correct me if I'm wrong) I'm right.

Ever since I was living on my own, or AT LEAST since I was married with children and a mortgage payment, it has irritated me to NO END when people attach a "note" to invite that is sent to my or the Mr's parents saying, "M and family are invited, too!".

I can't really tell if these people just think they're being nice, by inviting us, if they're just too damn lazy to do the foot work (which, these days is all of sending out a Facebook message) to find our address, or if they just want an extra gift but don't really want us there.

Whatever it is, it bugs the living daylights out of me.

I want to say, "Dude. I am married with my own family. I have NOT been living with my parents for nearly 15 years. I have a life of my own, I'm all grown up, and if you REALLY want me to come, SEND A DAMN INVITE." I honestly and truly do NOT consider myself invited unless I get an invitation. And nothing is really a valid excuse to me.

So...lemme hear it. Am I out of line? Am I justified in being irritated? Whaddya have to say?


  1. You are not being unreasonable. Maybe they are being polite by including you verbally, but, it's tacky IMO. It makes them look cheap. Send the stamped envelope. Make it personal. Don't have the address? Ask for it. Or look it up! So no, you have every right to be a little irritated. And since they didn't personally ask you, I don't think you need to reply or even send a gift. Looks like you are off the hook!

  2. You are NOT being unreasonable at all! I am getting married next month and I would NEVER invite someone by writing a note on someone else's invitation! Super tacky, if you ask me!

    If they live at a different address, they get a seperate invitation, PERIOD.

    I swear, most people just don't "get" how invitations work, in general. I can't tell you how many RSVPs we've received back with people's names as "attending" that weren't even invited! And I'm not talking about on the "and guest" invitations. Here's a fun one - we invited a family of 3 to our wedding - got back the RSVP for 2 out of the 3 as attending.. the 2 attending are the daughter and her boyfriend, whom we've never even met! Just odd. I mean, whatever, at least they aren't all 3 trying to come AND bring along the boyfriend.. but still - just very weird! I don't think people understand that whoever the invitation is addressed to is who is invited! It's been driving me crazy!

  3. I agree! I'm a college student living in the dorms and even get wedding invites sent there!

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  5. I'm with you, Mama! If they really wanted you there, they should send an invite to YOUR house with YOUR name on it. Any other way, and I don't consider myself invited, I don't respond, and I don't send a gift. If they are super close family friends, perhaps your mama could respond saying, "I'm sure M would love to come and bring her family. Her address is xyz. I'll tell her to be on the lookout for an invitation from you!" That gets the point across in a nice way, without making anyone feel bad!

  6. That irritates me too. Like for holiday get togethers, my uncle or whoever will call my brother, and tell him to call me. You can't make ONE extra phone call?? Lame.

  7. Totally NOT out of line! I am 43 and haven't lived with my parents since I turned 23. YET.... my parents still get those types of invites. To which I say, "I was NOT invited. If I don't receive it AT MY HOME, I'm not invited."

  8. Not out of line at all! I'd not consider myself invited officially invited!

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  10. There's definately a great deal to learn about this subject. I really like all of the points you've made.

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  13. I don’t mean to be rude but, I guess I agree with you. But no offense, I think there may be other reasons behind it. And it’s your job to find out why. But, If in my case, I would really appreciate it fi you invite me personally coz’ then I will know if the invitation is sincere. Don’t you think? Have a nice day!

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  14. I agree! My cousins do it all the time!


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