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The Unimaginable

Last week, life fell apart on us.

Again.

My husband's absolutely amazing brother, Jared, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind a beautiful young wife and 6 kids. Jared was a life force all his own...his silly antics, giant heart, and happy-go-lucky spirit was contagious and you couldn't help but love the guy.

Why is it that the good guys are taken from us too soon?

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions; from endless tears to laughter and back again. Just when I'm feeling strong, I get a hug or an offer of condolences or a sweet email and the tears start to flow all over again.

Walking the path of grief is miserable...it is heart breaking and exhausting and gut wrenching...and it is unimaginable to have to walk this walk again. Just 6 years ago we were reeling from the sudden death of my husband's oldest brother. This feels far to familiar to have to deal with again.

Remember when I started my resolutions posts and I talked about how the start of a new year terrifies me? That ever since Verd died, I've had a fear of a New Year because you never know what that year will bring? This is what I was talking about. Life can change so quickly...it can go from being so wonderfully imperfect to absolutely soul crushing, heart breaking awfulness so quickly that you are left in a dark hole of confusion.

Like I said in that New Year's resolution post, I want to say that I will continue to choose joy over fear but let's be honest and real and raw for a second. 

I. AM. TERRIFIED.

You guys, fear and sorrow have a hold so tight on my heart right now that it seems unthinkable to be able to choose joy.

Love hard and hold your loved ones close, my friends. And please pray for strength and peace for Jared's wife, kids, and all of us left with a giant Jared sized hole in our hearts and in our lives. He was one of the good guys.

This isn't fair.

Comments

  1. I do remember reading your blog back six years ago and now this...it's hard to imagine. I'm so sorry for you all and Jared's family. I don't know your family, but it breaks my heart the same...hearing of what a great family he lead. My prayer is that the God of HOPE fills you with all joy and peace as you trust in him...Romans 15:13. I'll keep praying that, and in faith, fear will let go of its grip on you. lots of love, Adri

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  2. I am so sorry to hear of your family's loss. Sending you all love and positive thoughts!

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  3. I understand. I remember in 2006, when my brother who was only 40 at the time died. I felt the floor jerk right out from under my feet. It was the hardest news I had ever gotten. My daddy didn't take losing his son, my brother, very well which put him in the hospital. My mother had to be a solid shoulder for everyone to lean on which worried me. She's diabetic and I feared for her health. So, after my brother died, every time the phone rang I was certain it would bring bad news.

    Remembering and sharing is a good way to heal the heart in these times of lose. One day, we'll see those we love again and that's very comforting. It doesn't erase the hurt completely but in time it does less the pain. I'll keep your family in my prayers and may God's blessings be upon each of you! xx

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  4. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers to you and your family.

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  5. So so very sorry for your loss... praying for your entire family!

    ReplyDelete

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