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Dear Intestines:

Dearest Intestines:

We need to talk...why? WHY do you insist on being so mean to me? What have I ever done to you? (You know, aside from feeding you that liter of Captain Morgan that one night, long, long ago...*shudder*)

Just when I think all is well with the inner workings of my digestive system, you go and BUCK THE SYSTEM. Dude. All I ask of you is to quietly (and non-malodorously) collect the waste from my body and gently (key word here...GENTLY) remind me when it needs to be removed.

This grinding, clawing, clenching, twisting, tearing, squeezing that's going on whenever I try to feed you? It sucks. You need to knock it off.

However, if you would take a few extra pounds with you before you decide to straighten out, that would be fine...because otherwise?

This is totally not worth it.

Please behave,


  1. Oh this made me laugh, only because I feel your pain!

  2. I totally could have authored this post! I hear ya, honey, I hear ya!

  3. WOW! I thought I was alone! I literally get "intestineaches" everyday at some point during the day!
    You as always put a comical spin to it!

  4. Hahaha so nice... :) Loved your blog
    Keep updating


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