Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Letting it go...

I need to decompress...to get something off my chest.

Something has been weighing heavy on my heart and my mind today. I really try hard to keep this blog light and fun, but because it is my personal blog, and a space that I use for what's on my mind, occasionally you'll be subject to some stuff that's not always light or fun.

This is one of those posts. Consider yourself warned.

I am a pleaser. I am the type of person that likes to be liked...a people person. Which is why, when I learn/realize that someone doesn't like me, I take it so hard.

I know that I am not a perfect person. But I also know that I am not a BAD person. I am good. I have a good heart and I am always striving to make myself a better person. I know that I can be prone to selfishness...believe me, I know. It is something I work on on a daily basis.

People are inherently different...we have differences in personality, differences in sense of humor, differences in how we like our steaks cooked or which political figure we feel will represent us best...these differences are what make the world go round.

These very same differences, however, are what also dictate how we connect with someone. They help us to determine whether we enjoy someone's company or whether we'd really just rather not be around them.

It is not new to me to realize that I can not make everyone like me. As much as I'd love for everyone to enjoy my presence, it is just not the truth. And I struggle with that. I struggle to be the best person I can be, to still be me, but to be the best me that I can be...but even more, I struggle with the fact that not everyone will like me.

Why is that so hard for me?

There are people that I have to share the same breathing space with many times throughout the year that I know would rather not have me tainting their air. Using up their oxygen. Sharing space with them.

That hurts. It's hard...my skin needs to thicken and my spine needs to grow. God made me the way I am and in His eyes, I am perfect.

Why can I not accept that?

Why can I not accept that some people will just not like me?

Why does this make my heart so heavy?

I know that I am good.

And for now, that needs to be enough.


  1. It is hard. I am the same way about being a people pleaser (middle child or something, who knows) but you are right. You cannot please everyone. Exposing myself through writing and blogging has really opened my eyes to this as well. I have become a bit tougher and a bit more "oh well, you win some, you lose some".

    Good luck to you. Just remind yourself that those most important to you, love and cherish you just the way you are.

  2. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I to, try to be a good person, trying hard to treat others as I would like to be treated, but for some people, that isn't enough. And that should be OK...but it isn't in my heart.

    I need to let go of stuff too...some stuff I have been carrying on my heart for YEARS...but I won't...not because I don't want to, BELIEVE me...because I can't. That's just me.

    Hugs. I'm right there with you.

  3. I think it's quite normal, probably being liked by everybody makes us feel secure, it's a survival instinct.
    However I like you, that person must be jealous :D

  4. I know how you feel. I talk a big game and say I don't care what people think about me. But deep down I know I do. And its even worse when you have to be in the same room with them. A lady always tells me to be the better person and be nice. But I have a HARD time being the better person.

  5. Oh I so agree. Middle child here...totally get it. I am good to the core and it boggles my mind when i am misunderstood ( i can't accept being "not liked"...I prefer to say "misunderstood!")

    You are good. You know it. And try not to let other people's opinions bring you down. :)

  6. Those people who choose to not like you, consider it their loss. God made you in His image, and that is not something that can be changed or altered or tweaked. You are awesome just as you are, and continue being that person. I'm sure there are a lot more people who like you than don't :)

  7. Why would anyone NOT like you?! I mean - really!? Haha.

    I'm being silly but i'm serious. I LIKE YOU, if that helps. :) You are cheerful & happy & fun.

    I am also a people pleaser & don't get it when people don't like me - for no reason? I don't DO something intetionally to make them not like me. But sometimes they don't. Oh-well. I just try not to worry about them!

  8. I know how you feel! I try so hard to please everyone, and when I don't measure up, I'm so hard on myself. I think it's a girl thing...dang hormones!

    I like you...and I don't even know you in person! You make me laugh everyday and I love your honesty in your blog. And you know what, there are at least 1272 people that feel the same way!

  9. Tell them to kiss your arse. And if they have a problem with MY friend, M...well, they can kiss my arse too. :)

  10. I am the exact same way. I take everything very personally. I wish I had really thick skin.

  11. I totally get that....when I interact with people that don't seem to care for me, my stomach gets in knots and I totally psycho analyze what is wrong with me that makes me unlikeable....

    LOVE this quote though, thought you might too!

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
    — Dr. Seuss

  12. Ugh - I wish I could say that I have NOOOOOOOOOOOO idea what you mean... 'cept I do and it bites the big one. It hurts me to my core to be not liked by someone... which is absurd because it shouldn't matter. But, it does. It really does. Why? I think it makes us question whether or not we're the likable person we think we are. We don't see anything objectionable about ourselves so we wonder if we're missing something... if we're lying to ourselves... or if the people who do say they like us are full of it. Of course, none of that is the case, but it doesn't make the doubt any less poignant.

    Sorry you have to deal with it... I wish I had some deep wisdom for ya to make you feel less raw about it... but after 3 years of time passing since a certain person snubbed me, it still stings. After 28 years of life, I haven't figured out where to buy a spine or a skin-thickening serum. And truthfully, I think people who say they don't care - that they've found the spine or thick skin - are even more insecure than us ;o)

  13. I too am such a people pleaser. Ugh, why do we do that to ourselves? I think we just have to find a place in ourselves that pleases just us sometimes, and realize that we aren't everyone's "flavor".

    But still....I get it.

  14. I know how you feel. It bothers me to the point of sweating if I'm in the presence of some one who doesn't like me. The situation makes me question myself and as much as I try to find the good in it, I think that there's something wrong with me. I've come to realize over time that people are not ALWAYS going to get along. This happens with friends and family. I always thought that you HAD to like family, blood related or married, BUT realized that it isn't true. I've had friends that we didn't see eye to eye and parted ways. It happens.
    I think you're great!

  15. Oh...I do understand how you feel. I like you...and I always appreciate seeing life through your eyes. It is hard to just let others be though...

  16. We're all like that and you're absolutely right when you say He made us perfect just the way we are. Know why we all think like you? Because we're human. So, it's okay. Hope writing on your blog made you feel better.

  17. I too am a people pleaser, the feeling these people can give you is crushing. Last spring at church in an forgiveness exercise I, using dirt and releasing it into a pot released my anger at how these people in my life made me feel and now I feel like it is their loss not mine that they feel this way. They are losing out on you not the other way around. I know easier said than done. Cyber hugs from one people pleaser to another

  18. man oh man am I the same way. I would do anything to keep anyone from disliking me. even when I know I have a ton of friends I still worry about that person standing across the room who has not spoken to me that day

  19. Self doubt is extremely difficult and hurtful to ourselves. It is because you are caring and compassionate that makes it hurt greater. I have found that when I am confronted with a similar situation (unavoidably several times a year), I try to become my own parent. I imagine how I would feel as a parent if one of my children were feeling and experiencing the same thing. How would I comfort them? What would I tell them? We know how wonderful/beautiful/talented/gifted etc our children are. Doing this, I am reminded that I too am a child and try to remind my self that I am wonderful/talented/beautiful/gifted despite what others may think of me. Very hard to do and to remember though!

  20. You know the old saying " Be the best you can be and don't worry what anyone else thinks" Easier said than done, right? I used to be the same way. I spent so much time trying to please everyone and wanting everyone to like me I lost sight of the person that I am. My family knows that I am a good person, my friend's know that I am a good person, God knows, and I know, and that's enough for me now...I have found that when YOU know that you are being the best that you can be and someone else doesn't think so, that person is usually jealous of you!

  21. Always just be you, because that person who does not like you is the one with the issues. You are a wonderful human bean. ;)


I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!


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