I need to decompress...to get something off my chest.
Something has been weighing heavy on my heart and my mind today. I really try hard to keep this blog light and fun, but because it is my personal blog, and a space that I use for what's on my mind, occasionally you'll be subject to some stuff that's not always light or fun.
This is one of those posts. Consider yourself warned.
I am a pleaser. I am the type of person that likes to be liked...a people person. Which is why, when I learn/realize that someone doesn't like me, I take it so hard.
I know that I am not a perfect person. But I also know that I am not a BAD person. I am good. I have a good heart and I am always striving to make myself a better person. I know that I can be prone to selfishness...believe me, I know. It is something I work on on a daily basis.
People are inherently different...we have differences in personality, differences in sense of humor, differences in how we like our steaks cooked or which political figure we feel will represent us best...these differences are what make the world go round.
These very same differences, however, are what also dictate how we connect with someone. They help us to determine whether we enjoy someone's company or whether we'd really just rather not be around them.
It is not new to me to realize that I can not make everyone like me. As much as I'd love for everyone to enjoy my presence, it is just not the truth. And I struggle with that. I struggle to be the best person I can be, to still be me, but to be the best me that I can be...but even more, I struggle with the fact that not everyone will like me.
Why is that so hard for me?
There are people that I have to share the same breathing space with many times throughout the year that I know would rather not have me tainting their air. Using up their oxygen. Sharing space with them.
That hurts. It's hard...my skin needs to thicken and my spine needs to grow. God made me the way I am and in His eyes, I am perfect.
Why can I not accept that?
Why can I not accept that some people will just not like me?
Why does this make my heart so heavy?
I know that I am good.
And for now, that needs to be enough.