Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mother's Day Mania...Birth Stories!


Day dos of Mother's Day Mania!

Photobucket


Those whoopsie stories were fun to read! ('Cuz, it made me feel like I wasn't alone!)

Now...onto Birth Stories!

Being a Labor and Delivery nurse...I love birth stories. Long ones, short one, exciting ones, boring ones, silly ones, dull ones...they're all great!

I've already written about my Baby Girl...and the Day She Stole My Birthday...so, today, I'm gonna write about the birth of the boy who made me a mama for the very first time!

The Pal (formerly known as Big A.) has a kind of funny birth story...

As most of you know...I was a young mom. I was 19 when I had the Pal and I thought I was sooooo mature. Ahem...yeah. Whatev.

Say it together with me..."Hello, sweet young mother!"

So...I was mucho preggo with him...home, 'til the fall semester, from college and sooooo incredibly anxious for this little one to make his appearance.

Or her appearance.

I didn't know. Did it the "old fashioned way" with all my kiddos...but, anywho.

One night, I was watching TV...wondering when on earth this little creature in my tummy was going to make his (or her) grand debut? When...it happened.

Some tightening.

If I had been in a 1950's movie...I would've placed a hand atop my swollen belly, adopted a peaceful look on my face, and tap-tap-tapped my husband (no husband at the time...just an equally young boyfriend) and said, "Honey, I think it's time."

But instead...I went to the bathroom.

And, I don't know why that was important. But, I know I went to the bathroom about a bazillion times in 5 minutes.

I'm not sure what, exactly, I thought I would find (my mucous plug, perhaps? *snicker*), but I felt the need to pee excessively.

And then...*gasp* another tightening. I picked up the phone, called my boyfriend and told him "I think it's time". Soooo 1990's.

He came to get me, my teary mom saw me off and we checked in to the hospital...all bright eyed and bushy tailed...(note to older self...bright eyes and bushy tails do not make for a mama in labor).

They checked me in, told me to change into a gown (I did...I put it on over my bra and my t-shirt, left my unders and socks on...modest much? Yeah...until after the delivery...when the nurses were wiping my bottom, spraying me with Solarcaine and "diapering" me...goodbye modesty), and hooked me up.

And...low and behold. I was having like one contraction a screen. So, probably like every 10 minutes.

Now...this was a small hospital...with few patients...and I think they were excited to have business. 'Cuz they kept me hooked up there all night.

Sometime late the next morning...with nary a contraction in site...the doctor came in. She offered me some of that "pitocin" stuff to get labor going or I could go home if I wished.

Um...hello? You're giving me an option?

I vote stay and meet this adorable little boy (or girl) inside me...afterall, you've just kept me here all night...I can't go home NOW!

So, in goes the IV, the pitocin, and nothin'.

And nothin'.

And nothn'.

Seemed like all stinkin' day...nothin'.

Then...something.

Then...holy mother of God, this FREAKING hurts!!!! Please, somebody help me! Why did I say I'd do this?! Oh, MY GOD...I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!

Only, I didn't say that.

I don't think I said anything other than..."Get the nurse".

And...it happened to be change of shift, just at the moment I needed a nurse. Which meant it must've been about 7:30 pm...I can't be sure, tho...I completely lost track of time...so, because it is change of shift, it takes a bit for the nurse to come.

She comes...I politely ask for some pain meds...and by pain meds...I mean, I would like an intrathecal, please. NOW!

They check me...I was four...after being less than four all day (I can't remember those details either...), and four was the golden number! I could have my intrathecal.

Only...they needed to call in the anesthesiologist first.

And, he lived in Timbuktu.

So, the "drill sergeant" nurse, who was actually JUST what I needed at that time...got right in my freaking out, crying, sobbing, dying in pain face and said "Relax. I want you to picture the word 'RELAX' written on a blackboard. Now...slowly start to erase that word, one letter at a time, then start over."

And...it worked! I relaxed!

For a second.

About thirty seconds later (or minutes? I'm not certain...have I mentioned my recollection of time is quite poor about all of this?), I feel a pop, a gush and something warm streaming out of my bottom side.

I groaned, "I think my water broke", and the nurse pulled back the covers. There must've been gobs of bloody show, 'cuz I heard her reassuring the young boy by my side..."Oh, that's okay. That's just bloody show, and yes, it looks like a lot...but it's okay."

Then she checked me. And darn it anyway! Where was that anesthesiologist?!

But...LOW AND BEHOLD...I was *wah wah wah wah* centimeters (memory...bad...). All I know is that I was way to far along to get anything for pain. I want to say 9.5 centimeters...but I could be wrong.

So, I was told, "sorry dear. You can't have anything for pain. You're too far along now."

Well...just kill me now.

Just stick a fork in me, I'm done.

I quit.

This isn't fun anymore.

I wanna go home.

I want my mommy!!!

And a freakin' intrathecal!!!

Only...I didn't say that.

I smiled. And cried. And puked. And puked and puked and puked.

And then...his (or her) head came down...and this is when the real fun began...

"I've gotta poop." I told my nurse.

"Oh, hon...that's just the baby's head." said the nurse, as they were calling the doctor to come deliver my baby.

"I've gotta poop." I cried.

"Yes, dear...that's just the baby's head." said the nurse.

"Um...I've gotta poop." I sobbed.

"Okay dear...we'll get the commode." said the nurse. (And, note to you...have you ever tried to poop on a commode with a room full of people and a 14 inch head sitting on your colon?)

*Grunting* "I'VE GOTTA POOP!!!!! I GOTTA POOP, I GOTTA POOP, I GOTTA POOP!!" I yelled.

And, so ensued the pushing. I remember looking at the clock, and seeing it was 10:00 pm (remember, this all happened in 2 1/2 hours, at this point). Two people I knew had recently given birth...one was my aunt (who pushed for 30 minutes) and the other is someone else I can't recall because my subconscious has decided to block much of that day from my memory.

Just protecting my Id. Or my Ego.

Or something.

But, the "other someone else" pushed for two hours. So...like I said...I looked at the clock, saw it was 10 pm and decided...right then and there...that by gum! I was NOT going to push for two hours!

And, I went to town.

'Cuz I had to poop, darn it!

Well...thirty minutes later...out comes my sweet baby boy!

Told ya I wan't gonna push for no two stinkin' hours!

Sigh.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it again! What a day that was!

And the doctor? She told me afterward..."I really didn't think you would deliver tonight! I thought we'd stop everything and restart in the morning!"

Ha! Showed them...din't I?!




24 comments:

  1. Wow, I don't think I've ever been first to comment here! Beautiful birth story! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for having us all link up:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope you don't mind that I laughed ... like A LOT...
    And I hope that whenever I have my first I will be so lucky as to only push for 5 minutes? Ok ... I know that is really really not going to happen, but let me dream please.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love a funny birth story! When I was pregnant with my first the only thing that was keeping me up at nights was the thought of pooping during delivery. It's funny how your pride just goes out the window when you're trying to get that baby out.

    ReplyDelete
  4. First allow me *tips hat* to tip my hat to you for giving birth with NO DRUGS!!!!
    I love the birth stories when they include medical professionals telling you one thing and mom's saying another and we are always right aren't we?!! Haha you silly medical people! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great story! I ended up having a c-section but, one of my fears was pooping during delivery too!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a funny birth story! Thanks for the fun linkups. I too am a young mom, and I was more scared of pooping than of pain. I had my little man after pushing for 45 minutes, no way I was pushing for 2 hours either!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love your story and sense of humor! You are great!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Fun story! Though I'm sure not fun at the time...especially the puking part.

    I have three kids- hope you don't mind I linked all three stories!

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL @ yelling that you have to poop!

    I had my first w/no pain meds b/c I was at a 10 when I got to the hospital.

    There was enough time for that intra-whatever with my second.

    My third, they were worried that I would give birth on the side of the road getting to the hospital and I was induced w/an epidural. Ah, bless that sweet pain relief.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ahh sounded a little like my first one with going to fast and no meds and being young.. I was 22. Now that I am pregnant with #4 (15 years after #1) I think I will stop reading birth stories for 2 months! lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. OMG, "I gotta poop, I gotta poop!" Tooooo funny!! Great story. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I kept on saying "I have to poop!" too! Except mine was "I have to poop, but I don't wanna poop!!" :)

    What a great birth story!! I wish my hubby would of agreed to not find out the sex of the baby until the delivery. Maybe for our next one! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I said the same thing...have to poop! I would have loved to have you as a labor and delivery nurse! Your sense of humor is just what moms need!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm now wondering if all birth stories involve poop? :-)

    I always love a good birth story. I'm off to read your other one now...

    ReplyDelete
  15. The thought of you screaming out "I gotta poop" classic! love it!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That was a fun story! We didn't find out the gender either time, too.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh my goodness! That was hysterical! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for throwing in humor in there. Darn anesthiologists have to take so long! Thanks for showing pictures too!

    ReplyDelete
  19. adorable! i just added mine :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. you so funny gurl! I linked to an older post that gave my birth story (its too stinkin long to write again) LOL. I cant wait to read the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ya'know, I had that same pooping feeling during my last delivery. But no one was paying me any mind, kept telling me it was the baby. Both came out at the same time. As a matter of fact, I was only dilated 7 cm when they got sick of me and told me to push out the poop and Natasha came pushing out too. I told them the baby would come too. Again, no one paid me any mind.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Did I tell you that I think your blog writing is so much different than your blog frog writing? My impression of you on the blog frog was very knowledgeable and professional. My impression of you on your blog is more "wacky blond." :) But in a really fun way. Love the story.

    ReplyDelete
  23. This was a great blog hop! I loved reading everyone's birth stories. It makes me want to have another one. Now I better get back to parenting.

    ReplyDelete
  24. better late than never, a day late, but not a dollar short, whatever you wanna call it, i finally linked up...i'm exhausted now, mentally spent...but this is such a theraptic thing for me. thank you for keeping it open and thank you for hosting this wonderful blog hop!

    ReplyDelete

I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails

This Template was custom created by Bloggy Blog Designz Copyright 2010