The Day I had my Birthday Stolen

Two years ago last night, I went to bed with a swollen belly, mild contractions, and an eager anticipation for my birthday the next day.

By morning, my belly was a flabby mess, my breath was atrocious (what is it about labor that makes a woman's breath smell like death?!), my armpits stunk like a heavyweight boxer's, and I was marveling in the delight of my brand new baby daughter.

The little thief.

She just up and stole my birthday right out from under me!

Yup. It's true...33 years ago today, my very own mama sat in a hospital bed, snuggling her very own (gorgeous) newborn (adorable) baby (precious) girl.

Ahem...that was moi...the gorgeously adorable precious newborn baby girl.

Fast forward 31 years, and I had switched spots with my mom.

I was holding my very own gorgeously adorable precious newborn baby girl, THIEF!

And I knew, from that day forward that my birthday would never be mine anymore (the little scoundrel)...and, I'm totally okay with it (conniving little hooligan...).

Anywhoodles...onto the Birthday Stories that I promised (and here's where I insert random photos, for visual appeal...)!

Okay, here's the scoop...I know that this whole "Birth Story Link Up" has been done before...but I love birth stories. All of 'em. The long ones, the short ones, the "I didn't know I was pregnant" ones (I especially love those)...so I am allllll over this!

Don't worry...I'm not gonna torture you with all 5 of my birth stories...uh uh! Today, I'm gonna tell you the birth story of the charlatan birthday stealer my sweet Baby Girl!

Like I mentioned, I went to bed with contractions, mildish...every 15 minutes or so...enough to keep me awake.

But nothing new. Nope...I'd been doing some contracting for weeks...even "calling in the troops" one night and heading to the hospital...only to be sent home (yes, it happens to even we "seasoned" vets...)

I was soooooo eager to have her...just not on my birthday. I had been taken off work a week or so earlier because of highish blood pressures (I shoulda known then that she was gonna be a little stinker...none of my other kids gave me pregnancy problems!!), and I was dying at the thought of sitting home, using my "maternity leave" when I didn't even have a baby with me!

Carrying on...

So, laying in bed, contracting, watching a movie of some sort...decided to get up and "do something" to see if the contractions would stop.

Laundry, packed a bag...unpacked a bag...folded clothes, more laundry...

Contractions not stopping...not really getting terribly worse, but not going away. So, the troops were called back in.

Headed off to the hospital with the Mr., got checked in, changed...they checked me and I was "5-6"...phew! Ticket to stay...

Group B Strep positive, so I had to have some antibiotics before I could have my water "broken"...we walked the halls while I was getting my antibiotics...when they were in...I became the world's biggest pest...


"When can the Dr. break my water? Where's the doctor? I need to have my water broken!"

You see, by baby #5, I know my body. I contract, I get my water broken, and I have a baby. FAST!

Like, we're talkin', 30 minutes, fast.

Freaky fast...not unlike Jimmy John's.

Well...dear sweet (evil) Dr., decides she wants some labs drawn on me...since "this is my 5th baby" (WTH!!! I have at least one more baby to go before those labs are required!). Lab takes FOREVER and day to come up...and meanwhile...

My contractions stop.

And, they don't want me out of bed much 'cuz my blood pressure is up bit (well, helllloooo!! You've got me all worked up!)...my personal doc was home with influenza...so, I was stuck with the on-call doc...who was leaving for Hawaii in a couple hours...who had had a busy night...who I was convinced didn't want to do another delivery.

So, long story short...doctor finally comes to break my water...and dang, she's up there for a long time.

By this point, I'm "a good 6", with nary a contraction in sight...the doctor breaks my water, then tells my nurse how high my baby was, and says to me, "You know, if you weren't 'one of us', I'd've made them pit you down first." (i.e give me pitocin to bring the baby down further...)

I coulda kicked her. Only, I was so paranoid that my baby's cord was gonna prolapse, that I was giving myself "fundal pressure" to keep the baby's head applied to my cervix.

Grrrr...no, RAWR!! (Thanks Megan, for that saying!!)

Anywho, things kicked in fast. Strong contractions...but manageable.

Got up to go potty...and started puking.

Uh oh.

BIG uh oh...when I puke, that means babe isn't far behind.

Another thing about having 5 kids...you get to know your "signs".

And puke is one of mine.

I open the door, as I'm vomiting in the garbage and feeling baby descend. At this point I'm slightly afraid that I'm going to deliver my baby standing up, while in the bathroom.

I gave my nurse the "deer in headlights" look...Mr. Wonderful recognized it too...and I've never seen two people move so quickly.

"Let's get you back to bed!" exclaimed my nurse...while my awesome hubby helped guide me, my big belly, and my IV pole back to the bed.

My nurse calls out to find out where the doctor was (by this time, a different doctor had come in early to cover so the other doctor could go catch her plane...phew!), finds out the doctor is just across the hall, and that I'm about 9-9.5 cm dilated.

Next contraction, and holy mother of Jesus get the doctor in here NOW!! I look at my nurse and start nodding, and doing the uncontrollable bearing down that comes with birthing a baby.

So, my nurse...she pulled the emergency light.

And all of the nurses...all of my fellow co-workers...come rushing in, along with the doctor.

A push or two later, and I hear the doctor exclaim..."You have a beautiful baby girl!".

And I was shocked. Purely, completely, utterly shocked.

I had convinced myself that we were having a gigantic baby boy, (Just a gut feeling...didn't want to find out...) and when I saw that we instead had a peanut of a baby girl, I was thrilled!!

(Aside by me...I would've also been thrilled if we had gotten that gigantic baby boy...but, I was ecstatic that Miss E. had a sister!)

So, there she was...laying on my chest...all 6 pounds 15 ounces of her...making those amazing newborn noises...trying to nurse...smelling oh, so wonderful...cementing her place in my heart.

I thank God, everyday, that he blessed me with this little birthday stealer.

I don't know what I'd do without her...