(Disclaimer: Another *insert big sigh* grief post. Just forewarning you...)
Not too very long ago, my husband would often ask me, while shaking his head and chuckling, "WHAT is your world like?!" I tended to be a happy-go-lucky, light hearted soul.
Well...let me tell you what my world was like:
The sky was a soft shade of pink with fluffy clouds outlined in glitter. The trees were covered in sugar-coated gumdrops that sparkled in the ever present sun.
Unicorns pranced around and fairies and butterflies floated by on the breeze. Occasionally, a rain storm would roll through (approximately once a month, accompanied by bloating and pimples) and things would be a drippy mess...but, it wasn't long before that sky glittered and the trees sparkled again.
Lately, my world has been very different. VERY.
Lately, my world consists of dull, soggy shades of gray. My feet shuffle along, just going through the motions.
Lately, my heart feels like someone's got it in a vice grip...squeezing it so tight that I'm certain it's being forced out of my body by way of my throat. That lump that seems to be ever present in my throat? Yeah, that's just my heart, being squeezed out of my body.
Lately, I have found it hard to keep tears away.
But yesterday...I saw a glimmer of that old world.
I caught myself smiling the easy smile that used to be a constant on my face.
I found that my heart didn't seem quite so tight.
I'm pretty sure that I can directly attribute this to spending time with my husband's family this weekend. In fact, I know that is why I was feeling better.
I continue to find comfort in the company of my in-laws.
In our common grief. In not having to "fake" a happy face. In the stories and the memories that get passed around.
Together, we will make it through.
And someday, my sky will once again be pink and glittery.
Lots of love! The pain will always be there...you will always miss him, and even ten years later, you'll have things you wish you could share with him. But those glittery moments will get more and more frequent, until the gray moments are the ones that are only every once in a while - and even then, they become more blue than gray, and more sad than gloomy. Sending you and your family lots of gentle hugs and prayers to help you get through these days.ReplyDelete
My heart continues to break for all of you. So glad you were able to find comfort in family and a small break in the clouds.ReplyDelete
I am right there with you. My Grandfather is close to passing, and this has to be the hardest thing I have ever been through. He is not there (hasn't been for a couple weeks now) and is just a shadow. You and your family are still in my prayers.ReplyDelete
I lost my dad a year ago Novemeber. I remember those gray days well. The stories and memories do help tremendously, so don't be afraid to share them. Just last month, my uncle was at my mom's telling stories about my dad. It felt so good to hear them. The good memories are slowing beginning to push the sad ones aside for me. It takes time, but they will for you someday too.ReplyDelete
Still praying for your family.
Gathering with family, sharing past memories and prayer will help you put your world back together. God bless.ReplyDelete
oh my friend it will, tears are good. tears mean you are not holding it in. praying for you. praying for your family.ReplyDelete