Wednesday, March 31, 2010

E is for Emergency, P is for Pain

So...I know I've touched on this before...but, I'm gonna touch on it again.

And, by "touch on", I mean "a whole post about".

*Stepping onto soapbox...*

I interrupt your regularly scheduled day with a Public Service Announcement!!!

As y'all know (are you all okay with me pretending I'm a Southern Belle sometimes? A Southern Belle with a heavy MinneSOOOta accent and pasty white skin?) y'all know, I'm a nurse.

In OB...not ER...but still (sheesh, let's not get caught up on technicalities...) a nurse.

My creme de la creme of pet peeves is people who "misuse" Emergency Rooms.

In case it wasn't obvious...Emergency Rooms are for...well...I'll spell it out plain as day...EMERGENCIES!

Not for, a 24/7 clinic.

Not for, I've had a cough all week, it's Friday, I'll just go to the ER for a quick check after work.

Not for, I have a smidge of a headache, haven't taken anything for it to try to get rid of it on my own.


Like, I have a bone protruding from my leg.

Like, I lost conciousness after bonking my head.

Like, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.

Like, I can't breathe!!! I said...EMERGENCY!!! Thankyouverymuch.

And, while I'm abusing caps and exclamation points...can we talk about something else quick? My other pinnacle, uber, creme de la creme pet peeve...

Misunderstanding of pain scales.

0-10 means 0 is NO pain...and 10 is the WORST pain you could ever possibly imagine having.

10 does NOT mean, for example, "I just stubbed my toe...and dang sistah!!! this is the worst stubbed toe I've ever had! It's a 10 for stubbed toes!!"

Nope. That is not a 10 (unless, perhaps, you ripped your toe right off, 'cept it was kinda hangin' by a little skin, and your dog came 'round and finished off the job and while trying to retrieve said severed appendage from the dog, you stubbed your stub. I'd allow you a 10 for that.)

If you are at a 10 for pain, you are curled in a ball, weeping tears of agony, begging the good Lord to come save you from your are not sitting up in bed, talking, smiling, laughing, thinking contemplatively 'hmmmm...I think I'm at...ummm...lemme see....I think...*giggle*...yeah, I think a 10."

Once upon a time, a sweet young mother came into the hospital. She presented with an entourage of sweet young friends. She complained of "cramps". She was laughing and joking and as perky as can be.

When asked what number she would rate her cramps at, she responded, "Well, a 10!!"

The nurse (not I) said, "Really, a 10?"

The sweet young mother replied (*insert raised lip, scoff, and 'like totally duh!' look here*), "Well...for cramps!"

Sigh...oh, sweet young mother. How we have so much to teach you.

You're right, those probably were the worst cramps you've ever experienced...but certainly not the worst pain ever know to man/womankind.

I know that...because in less than 24 hours, you will tell me, "Yeah! (*scoff*) Those cramps that I told you were a 10 when I first came in???? HA!!! Those were like a negative 47 compared to ***right before I got my epidural, ***when my contractions really kicked in, ***when baby was crowning (***insert your personal moment in labor when you realized that OMG!!! This REALLY freakin' hurts!!).

Yes...after ***that, you will be able to tell me, with complete and utter certainty, what a 10 is. And it will forever change the way you rate pain.

Okay, so now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel so much better.

I'm leaving now...carry on.

*Steps off soapbox...*

1 comment:

  1. I love it!!! Too funny! I had a friend who would wait until after hours to go to the emergency room so her kid would be seen right away. I thought she was crazy.


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