#2 in Second Stage

Hey friends!

Okay, I'm gonna give a little disclaimer here...I know my last "talkin' shop" post grossed some people out (what with the whole "mucous plug" thing and all...), so, I'm gonna warn you...

This might gross you out.

Or, freak you out.

Or, maybe you'll breathe a sigh of relief.

I don't know which category you'll fall in. But, best of luck if you continue on!

Okie dokie my dears! Let's get down to business...now that everyone's sufficiently warned that things might get a little...um, stinky around here, let's start! ;)

Today we are gonna talk about the feared, the dreaded, the horrifying labor effect of...(insert scary music and echo-y voice here..) "Pooping during Pushing"!

Oh, I know everybody is terrified of it. It's like the first time you met your in-laws or your boyfriends parents...sweat rings, days of "what if's", the whole unknown.

But, just as you survived that day (or you will survive that day)...alas, you will also survive if you poop when you deliver your babe!

And...I've gotta tell you...and you must trust me on this one, 'cuz it's gonna be hard for you to believe...it's okay if you poop.

Really!! It is!

In fact, if...no, scratch that...let's just say, when you drop a little nugget (or, heck...an entire stink pickle--thanks A., for that one!!) when you are delivering, it tells us labor and delivery nurses something.

No, no...not what you ate for dinner last night (blech...sorry, that was gross...), it tells us that you are pushing correctly!! Yes, indeed it does!

When you are delivering a babe, you use the same muscles that you use to, well...take a grumble.

Honest to Pete! You do! I would never lie to you! In fact, there is one big mistake I see people make with pushing...well, two mistakes, actually...the first one being:

#1. Pushing your belly outward and upward.

Wrong. See, you want a downward and outward motion for that little babe, and many people start out pushing their bellies toward the ceiling...like, if you weren't, indeed pregnant, but wanted to make people think you were...and you push your belly out (try it now...yup, like that...beer belly look), that is the incorrect way to push out a babe.

And, mistake...

#2. Poop fear.

(HA!! Pun, totally intended...get it? #2? Poop? Gosh, I crack myself up sometimes! Bwahahahahaha!! Another one...crack? Like butt? And poo...oh, nevermind...)

But, indeed, some people are sooooo fearful of dropping a little stinky nugget, that they hold back...which is, effectively like, trying to push a car forward while it's in reverse...or something like that.

Sweet young mothers...don't hold back!!!! Trust us...we know when you're doing it, and it just prolongs everything. Even...the inevitable! 'Cuz, lemme tell ya...if there's a little something in there that needs to come out (and I ain't talkin' the babe, my friend)...when that noggin makes it's way through, it's gonna clear out everything in it's way.

And it's okay.

Honestly. Truly. Positively.

It's okay.

I know, I know...it's easy for me to say. Right? I'm not the one laying on a bed, spread eagle with a bunch of people watching...but, it's okay! In fact...more people do poo a little (or a lot) than don't poo, and we expect it!

And, since I am Mama Honest today I'll fill you in on a little secret...*whispers*...I did it.

Yup. Honest to goodness, I poo'ed when I pushed. I'm sorry if that's TMI for you, but I just want you to know, you can poo in front of mere strangers and live to blog about it! ;)

I know for sure that I did with my oldest, 'cuz I was chanting to the nurses over and over and over, "But I have to poop!!! I have to poop!"

And they kept telling me, "It's okay...it's just the baby!"

And what I really wanted to say was, "DUDE!!! It's NOT the baby!!! I have to POOP!" 'Cuz I did...the babe was just...just...intensifying the moment.

So, I pooped. When I pushed out that first babe of mine, he, with his whopping 14 1/2 inch head...I pooped.

And, after my first, I realized...no one rightly cares! So, with my next babes, I just didn't care. Honest.

Well, okay. I kinda cared.

But...it still doesn't matter!

With babes 2-5, I pushed in front of co-workers...so, I did a little enema action before going to the hospital, or shortly upon arrival to. Heck, enemas sometimes even speed up a sluggish labor, so it was a bonus too!

Two birds with one stone!

With babe #5, my baby girl...I arrived to the hospital at 5-6 centimeters...got my antibiotics, had my membranes ruptured and felt "the urge"...the "urge" that I know was not baby time, but time for something else. I told my nurse...my friend...that I had to poop, that I didn't want to poo when I was delivering...and she said, "Mama M., you know it happens everyday!"

And I said, "Yeah, but it's not everyday that you poop in front of your co-workers!"

I got her with that one! ;)

However, like I said above...if you do poo (there's a little rhymey action for ya) it shows us you are doing things correctly!

Does it stink? Yeah...most of the time.

Does it bother us? Only if we're pregnant and in those queasy early weeks...but, we Labor and Delivery nurses have impeccable control over our gag reflex.

You'll never know if we throw up in our mouths a little.

Chances are...you'll never know if you poop a little! We try to be very discreet and quick about cleaning things up for you! So, you may remain completely oblivious to the whole thing.

And that's okay too!

I promise...you'll never hear a labor and delivery nurse say, "Ohmigosh!!! You totally just poo'ed! That's soooo gross!" I promise...it'll never happen.

But, if it does, you have every right to accidentally on purpose kick her in the shins.

So, does this make you feel any more at ease about the whole #2 in Second Stage? (Here's a little labor and delivery edu-macation for ya...First Stage Labor is from active labor to 10 centimeters dilated...Second Stage is from 10 cm to delivery of babe...Third Stage is from delivery of babe to delivery of placenta...now you know!)

I hope I eased your mind...and heck, once you see that babe...you'll realize everything was worth it!


Everything. Single. Stinkin'. Thing.