Monday, April 9, 2012


Have you ever been so irrationally terrified that you couldn't think straight? That your heart was pounding a gazillion beats a minute and you just knew that at any second the bad guy was gonna jump out and GETCHA?!

Friday night the hubs took the four younger kids to "The Land" (hunting shack in the woods on the river) and The Pal was at his dads.

I, two of my sisters-in-law and one brother-in-law (SIL's husband) were painting the hub's new office (more on that later) until late at night.

Wait...let's back up a bit...earlier that evening, one of my sisters-in-law and I were buying paint at the local hardware store and chatting, together and with the paint dude. He was asking about the hub's new office (using our last name) and we were all talking over the noise of the paint shaker (i.e. loudly).

Without thinking, I mentioned to my SIL about how I wasn't really looking forward to staying home alone that night, then immediately caught myself as I realized there were many stranger's in that store that could've very well overheard A) my husband's first and last name (read: a way to get our address) and B) that I would be home all alone that night.

*Enter a bit more worry here*

Now, we finished up with painting about 11:30pm, I made it home about 11:45 and started cooking my beans for the Easter celebration we were having up at "The Land" the next day. I was minding my own business, transferring beans to the crockpot insert when I heard my cellphone chime that I had received a text 12:10am.

I noticed right away that it was not a number I recognized, but it was the message that made me pause: "Hello.....Sidney....."

A thousand and ten thoughts ran through my head in about 0.1 seconds. "What?" "Who is this?" "Is this a mistake?" "Why does that phrase sound so familiar?" "OH MY GOSH."
So, I sent back a quick, "Sidney?" and immediately punched in "Hello Sidney" into Google on my phone.

My heart stopped and my throat constricted in fear as I saw all the results popped up with "Scream" information.

You know, the slasher movie where the teenagers talk about the "rules" of horror movies?
Um, yeah. Poop, meet pants.

For about another tenth of a second I tried to talk myself into the idea that it was probably a joke. But remember those "rules" from the movie?

Yeah, I wasn't about to be the girl who thought her killer was just a jokester, so I bolted.
Grabbed my phone, my purse, my iPad and my Chipotle that I had just heated up (priorities) and tossed them into the van when I remembered that our garage door opener is broken and requires one to LIFT THE DOOR BY HAND.

Put yourself there for a second...

Certain a killer is stalking me and needing to lift a garage door over my head WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SEE WHAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE. Oh yes, I was certain I was about to come face to face with this:

And meet my demise.

Imagine my surprise (and delight) when there was nothing there but mind crippling darkness. I sprinted to my van, jumped in while simultaneously starting it up and locking the doors and tore out of there so fast that I'm sure there are tire grooves in the cement, all the while calling my parent's home, no cell, no cell, no answer...husband cell, no answer...and repeat when FINALLY my dad answers, "What's up?"

"OH MY GAWD THERE'S A KILLER AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Okay, that's not really what I said.

It was more like, "I'M GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wait...maybe that's just what was in my head.

I think what came out of my mouth was, "OHMIGOD. I'm coming over. I just got a freaky text."

And my dad chuckled and said, "Okay." and I told him about the text and he said, "..." um, yeah, so I don't remember what he said. I was too busy checking my review mirror and swerving back and forth across the road in case the killer was on my roof.

Apparently after I hung up with my dad, my mom decided that maybe they should come and get me (they didn't know I had already left and my mom was saying "could you imagine the walk from the house to the van?!") and tried to call but I didn't hear my phone (I blame the voices in my head for being too loud) at which point she thought I was a goner.

When I got to my parent's, and was able to calm down and think rationally about it, I realized that it would've had to have been someone who knew my cell number or who could've gotten it. My mom said, "Let's call the number..." and suddenly, the lightbulb went on.

"I'll bet it was ***!!!" (***Name withheld for privacy reasons, but I'll give you a starts with 'Todd' and ends with 'Jerkface Brother-in-law'.) He knew I was alone (he was painting with us) and I think I recall mentioning that I was a little scared about staying alone.

I sent a text..."Who is this?"

And got, "Look out your window..." in response. *shudder*How creepy is THAT?!

Then, "The window your husband fixed..." to which I responded with some choice words and went to was after 1 am at this point.

First thing in the morning, he was back at it...only I was safe and sound at my mama and daddy's house..."You shouldn't leave your downstairs door open....Sidney..."

And then I told him that as long as he was in the house, could he please throw in a load of laundry?

Which, apparently, scared him away.

When I saw him the next day, I told him he's lucky I didn't punch him in the face.

He smirked. So I kicked him in the shins.

Okay, not really. But I wanted to.

They all laughed when they heard I went to my parents and I told them that I wasn't like those girl's in the movies. I didn't wanna wake up dead in the morning and find out that there really was a killer after me. Uh uh. NO WAY was I waiting around to see if it was a joke or not!

For the husband laughed too.



  1. I'm sorry, as I know you were terrified, but that is totally something I would have done to someone. Terrible, terrible joke, but kinda funny. Glad it was just a jerkface relative and that you are safe and sound!

  2. You are my hero as I would have done the same thing.

  3. Amazing :D Glad you are safe as this is one of my favorites on my blog list!! Happy Easter!!

  4. OH MY WORD, I LOVE YOU, OH MY WORD YOU CRACK ME UP. OH MY WORD I AM LAUGHING. my hero is gone now and let me tell you i freak out often. i wish i could run away but it would take too long to gather the kids. i definitly run through my mind how i would respond. Seriously my hero told me to take one of the many (unloaded) shot guns in my room and pump them. the killer would not know it was not loaded. Now i have a dog who is getting BIG who sleeps with me. as soon as a child walks near my room she is on all four legs barking like a crazy person. so maybe between the dog and the unloaded guns i am safe. wait and the alarm that i have set off myself. i seriously will not even take anything to help me sleep at night out of fear of a killer

  5. I couldn't keep from laughing, especially knowing that is TOTALLY something I would do. Sorry you had to live through all that fear but makes for a great story :)

  6. Oh wow... I would have peed my pants if I got that text!!!

    So glad it was just a (very mean) joke!

  7. Ok, I TOTALLY would have had that same reaction you did at the hardware store when you realized the strangers were around and you just revealed some information you may not want others to hear....AND, I would have totally reacted the same way you did when you figured out what that text meant. Seriously understand! Pretty sure my heart would have stopped. :)

  8. I laughed all the way through reading this post. Just what I needed today.

    Glad to hear you were actually safe though!

  9. I am so sorry you were so scared, but kudos for getting the heck out of there!
    And, that was definitely the laugh I needed for today!

  10. What a scary reaction - privacy has become very important today - glad you are safe

  11. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I guess I am a butthead as well because I'm totally enjoying this post!

  12. Clearly, I'm a bit late to the game here, but call me Butthead.

    I am cracking up over here! Like tears clouding my vision kind of laughter.

    You seriously made my day.

    But good for you for having your wits about you and getting the hell out of dodge. I'm sure had there been a killer after you you'd have totally saved yourself!

    Oh, and thanks for being so cool as to go ahead and share your shear panic with the rest of us. Again, you made my day.


I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with long as they are respectful!


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