Wednesday, August 1, 2012

"On hold couple minutes?"

Remember the test? So, it went well. So well, in fact, that I decided to cancel our ClearWire service.

What I thought was going to be a 2 minute conversation turned into a 33 minute and 51 second conversation. Looking back on it, it makes me giggle.

"Hello, Clearwire, how can I be of assistance to you today, Mama M.? Can I call you Mama?" asks the sweet Clearwire girl with an endearing accent.

"Yes, Mama is fine. I need to cancel my service please."

"I'm sorry. What was dat?"

"I need to cancel my service."

"Can you repeat dat?"


"Oh. I am sorry. Can I troubleshoot issue for you first?"

"No. We don't get a good signal where we're at. We knew this going into the contract, but that was our only option, other than dial up, and now we have DSL available, so we're switching to that."

"I'm sorry. Can you repeat dat?"

"Signal. Bad." (And on with the repeating every question twice...)

"Ohhhh, yes, I understan' ma'am. I need some information first. Can I please have last four digits of credit card number for the account?"

"Ummmmm. Gosh. I'm not sure I know which card we used."

"Ohhhhhh, dat ees okay. Let me see...can I ask a security question, ma'am?" (PS...what happened to calling me "Mama"?)

"Yes, of course."

"What ees dee name of your first pet?"

Without hesitation, I answer, "Sylvia." Our evil first cat.

"Oh. Um. No. Dat ees not dee answer...can I put you on hold couple minutes?"


*dead silence*

"Okay. Um. How about dis...what is dee date of your billing cycle?"

Easy peasy, I'll ace this one, "Oh, yes...the 15th of the month."

"Oh. Um. No. Can I put you on hold couple minutes?"


*dead silence* I sneeze a few times. "Are you okay ma'am?"


*dead silence*

"Okay. How about dis...can you please tell me your Mac ID number?" 

Me, thinking, *How the heck does she know I'm using a Mac?* "Um...Mac ID number?"

"Yes, de Mac ID number."

"I don't know what a Mac ID number is."

"Oh. Yes. De Mac ID number ees on de back of de device."

"Oh, sure...let me run downstairs and check it..." *runs downstairs, grabs "device" and flips it over and over and under Mac ID number. Serial number? Check. Part number? Check. SIS (or something) number? Check. Mac ID number? No check.

"There is no Mac ID number on the device."

"Yes, ma'am. De Mac ID number will be on de back of de device."

"Yes. I know. There is NO Mac ID number. This device is several years old."

"Oh. Um...can I put you on hold couple minutes?"

*sigh* "You betcha."

*dead silence*

"Okay, ma'am. How about dis...when did you initiate service?"

"Uh. Yeah. I dunno. Several years ago."

"Okay, ma'am. Can you recall de date of when you initiated service?"

"Yeah, no." (Really? People remember that sort of thing?)

"Oh. Um...can I put you on hold couple minutes?"


*dead silence*

"Okay, ma'am. How about dis...when was your last payment made?"

"Ooooh!! I can find this! Hold on please..."

"Yes, take your time. I understand."

*wakes up computer, logs on to banking, searches archives*


"Oh, yes! Dat ees good. I just need couple more security questions...can you recall de last time you called in?" (Again...really? Do people chart this stuff, or what?!)


"Oh. Um...can I put you on hold couple minutes?"

"I guess."

*dead silence* then *EUREKA!!!!!* Lookee there...the last four digits of the credit card number, right on our statement!!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!! I found the last four digits of which card we use!"

"Oh, yes!! Dat ees good! What ees it?"


"YES! Dat ees de correct answer...I just need to finish up my documentation den I can transfer you to accountant services. Can I put you on hold couple minutes?"

*Nods head...can I answer no to this question?*

*dead silence*

"Okay, ma'am. I am finishing up my documentation. I have account services on hold, thank you for your time."

"Hello, dis ees account services, how may I help you?"

"I need to cancel my service."

"Can I help you trouble shoot your service first?"

"No, we don't get a good signal here and have a better option available for us now."

"What ees your address, ma'am?"

"1234 Fabulous Street"

"Oh, yes. I see. We don't offer very good coverage there." (Didn't I just say that?)


"Oh. Um...can I put you on hold couple minutes?"

*forehead, meet palm*


  1. Hey there - Congratulations!
    You were nominated for the Sunshine Award - you can read about it on my blog and follow the instructions you find there as what you are to do in order to accept this award

  2. BWAHAHAHAAAA! That's just awesome. I love great (albiet redundant) customer service.

  3. Girl! You crack me up :) Facepalm indeed!

    Don't you just love customer service?!?! :) Hugs!

  4. Oh my gosh I would have went bananas! Ugh customer service.

  5. i was on the phone 3 times in the last week with Dish, all three times they said and did the same thing. only the first 2 people told me that it would cost for them to come out and do a repair. the last one said it was free and then went on to really fix the problem. I think we should get paid by the minute for repeat questions

  6. Sounds like you handled that with more grace than I would have!

  7. That reminds me of when I tried to cancel AOL (before it was free...about 11 yrs ago) Our computer crashed, didn't know when or if it would be fixed, so I called to cancel. They kept trying to offer me a lower price for less internet minutes or something. Hello? WE DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER!!! Facepalm, indeed.


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