Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sludge.



Grief...it's like a thick sludge, hard to wade through, difficult to know which way is up, feeling like you'll never get out of it.

Today was a rough day. I'm not sure if it was just setting in, or that grief coupled with today being Baby Girl's and my birthday, was just a bad combination, but whatever it was, I found it hard to keep the tears at bay.

Just when I thought I'd have it pulled together, I'd hear or read the words, "I'm sorry", or field a phone call, or think about the amazing outpouring of love and support...and the tears would flow. Fast and furious.

I've discovered that my rock, my strength, comes from being around family; specifically, my husband. When I'm alone, the thoughts and memories coming flooding in and the tears come pouring out. My brother-in-law, Verd, was an amazing man. Actually, "amazing" doesn't even do him justice, I wish I could find a word great enough to describe the kind of man he was.


My heart is aching for his wife and children. For my mother and father-in-law...for my husband and his siblings and their spouses and their children. For our community. For the kids he coached. He impacted so many lives...

Heaven gained a great, great man...

Thank you, all of you, for your prayers and your words of comfort.

51 comments:

  1. Super big *hugs* from New Zealand to you all!

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  2. ditto what Micha said and add prayers are with you

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  3. Big hugs.... I am still reeling from the unexpected death of my father about three months ago... Just when I think I'm doing ok, a certain song will come on the radio, or my husband will say something JUST LIKE my dad would have, or I'll just need some Daddy advise....and the waterworks pour out. Last weekend, it was a simple bubble bath where I just cried and cried... Time might heal, but it'll take an eternity to fill the void left by my Daddy.....

    I hope you are able to find comfort in your family and friends and some way to find laughter through your tears.....

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  4. Sending you and your family lots of prayers. This was such a tragic thing and I am so sorry that it happened to you. Your wound is so raw that it is not surprising that you had a hard time keeping it together. When we first lose someone, it's hard to move on and celebrate different things without the sadness making it's way into our thoughts. I lost my grandmother tragically almost 25 years ago and there are still times that the sadness takes over. My mom is gone for a year and half now... well, I often wonder if there will ever be a happy celebration.

    It's tough but you have a great family and you will all help each other through this. My heart goes out to all of you, especially his children. I'll be praying for you!

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  5. Lots of prayers from Japan! I am so very sorry for your loss!

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  6. Sending you and your family lots of love, prayers, and happy thoughts. So sorry :(

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  7. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know the pain all too well and it sucks. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragic accident. Hugs.

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  9. I thought of you this morning, Mama M, on my way to work, & i started praying for y'all again. I just am so very sorry. I have experienced grief before & i know it feels impossible to get thru. I will pray for you everyday & for your family & for your brother-in-law's family. Praying for peace, comfort & strength.

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  10. I hope that you all will be comforted in remember the legacy he leaves. He sounds like a great man. I'll keep praying for you all.

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  11. My sympathy to you and your family.

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  12. Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way!

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  13. Heaven is full of our loving angels....may you find strength in His embrace. Looks like there is another angel watching overhead. Love and Prayers.

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  14. I can only imagine what your whole family is going through. I will keep you in my prayers. I pray that you all find strength and peace in the days ahead. I also pray that you feel God's presence in each and every moment. Take care!

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  15. Continuing to send prayers for all of you. {{hug}}

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  16. I am so sorry for your lose..... I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. *Hugs*

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  17. Prayers to your family at this difficult time!! I'm am so very sorry for your loss.

    ((Hugs))

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  18. I'm so sorry, Mama M. ((Hugs and prayers)) from my family as well-to all of you.

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  19. So very sorry for your loss

    So Sorry for all of your family

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  20. I am so very sorry for your lose. I am sending prayers for you all!

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  21. Sounds like he had an impact on so many lives. Sorry for your loss. Just keep writing about it, it won't make the pain go away, but it will give you a place to go with your grief as you and your family sort it all out.

    Take care...{{hugs}}

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  22. I wish I could wrap you up in my warm, soft prayer shawl and let you cry your eyes out 'til you couldn't cry anymore. Then I'd wish you a happy birthday just 'cause you're still here and very much worth celebrating even in the midst of your pain. Sending you more prayers and ((hugs)) from Texas (where we're trying to pretend like it's Minnesota with ice on the ground and temps in the teens!) Love, E

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  23. I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts as you get through this difficult time.

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  24. Hugs and prayers for you! I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can't imagine the pain you all are feeling right now. I will be praying for his wife and 7 children. How devastating! My heart aches for them. :(

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  25. I am soooo sorry to hear this. Internet has been out so I missed the first post. Will definitely be praying for your whole family during this enormous life that God will provide peace and comfort during this time that only He can.

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  26. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.
    ~Kimberlee
    www.TheSpunkyDiva.com

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  27. I am so sorry. I will keep you guys in my prayers.

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  28. Really sorry, that your family is going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Hugs!

    Jen

    What's On My Mind

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  29. I am so sorry for your loss. I know times like this are rough. Hang in there and keep your chin up!!!!

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  30. I'm so sorry, Mama M. Praying for you!

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  31. hugs and love my friend! thoughts and prayers are with u and your family!

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  32. At age 40, I have yet to deal with a loss like yours. I still have both my grandmothers! I know it's coming, and reading your post makes me realize how hard it will be, prepared or not. A good reminder to cherish each and every day.....
    May God bless you all in this time of sorrow and grief.

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  33. I am just getting caught up on blog reading this morning...I am SO sorry for your loss. There are not words, what a tragic loss of what sounds like an incredible man. Praying for all of you!
    Marti

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  34. so very sorry for your loss! Your family is in my prayers!

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  35. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs and love you way...

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  36. Wow. ...I came here today to look at the Five Question Friday questions. I didn't think that I could bring myself to answer them, but I thought I would just look. I lost a very dear pet very unexpectedly this week. I managed a tribute post or two about what I'm going through, but I thought that when I got to this site what was here would seem too trivial and too happy for me to engage in this week. We are grieving him deeply. And instead, I find a post about the pain of losing someone, and filled with exactly what I am going through. That seems profound somehow.

    I am so very sorry to hear that you are grieving. I am so sorry that somebody else is going through that feeling of emptiness right now. But thank you for putting this out there, and know that you are not alone.

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  37. My heart breaks for you and your family. I will be praying for you all and thinking of you during this difficult time!

    Hugs,
    Rachel

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  38. My Prayers are with you and your family. I pray for peace and comfort to wrap their arms around you. God Bless you Hun. Kath'

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  39. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother-in-law. There are no words that really comfort, but I want you to know my heart and my prayers are with you and your dh's family at this sad time.

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  40. You are so right. Grief is so thick and overpowering. I have been trying to find the fastest way out of the mud hole and it just seems that there is no quick way out. Time helps to heal all wounds sweet girl. Keep you chin up and know he is resting in a much better place. My heart break for you and your family..esp his wife and children. Wish I was close by to help or just give ya a hug. Hang in there and know I am praying for you!

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  41. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and I wish the best for you. *virtual hugz*

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  42. Praying for your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  43. I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful man and will be missed by many. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  44. My heart is just ACHING for your family. Still sending prayers your way! <3

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  45. Sending prayers for your family ...what a terrible thing

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  46. My heart goes out too your family. Big hug *

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  47. Blessings and prayers to you and your family. I lost my 16 year old brother to a car accident not even a year ago. Grief is a strange thing. it takes you for a real ride, let me tell you. You learn a lot about yourself, your faith and your friends and family. Stay strong and cling to Jesus Christ. Grief takes time.

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