Thursday, January 5, 2017

Day 5

Ugh. Here I sit, once again typing from my phone and cursing myself for not bringing my charger home from work. But alas, a New Year's Resolution is a New Year's Resolution and BLOG I MUST.
 
It's been fun hearing from those of you who claimed you "missed my blogging"...makes me happy that once upon a time I maybe made you laugh, or cry, or shake your fist at my writing! I feel like there are so many reasons that led to my decrease in writing...SO. MANY.

Where do I even start?

Let's start with the one most obvious to me...and probably most difficult to speak to, because I'm a pleaser. Please I must and if I don't please, GOOD GRACIOUS it eats at me. Here is a morsel of honesty for you, and for those that know me in real life, PLEASE take no offense! Remember, me = pleaser...and don't stop reading, either...okay, back to that morsel of honesty: I preferred to blog when I was more anonymous.
It seemed that as more and more people I knew "for real" started finding out about my blog that I began to feel a bit stifled. And somewhat pigeon holed. Birthday posts for errrrrbody, trying to mention this person or post a picture of that person or wrote about something that my adorable grandpa suggested I write about when what I really wanted to do was shout: BUT THIS IS MY BLOG!! And while I was proud that those that loved me enjoyed reading my blog, it made me nervous.
A little uneasy.
What if I wrote about a hot topic issue and someone mistakenly thought I was writing about them? OR, what if I DID want to write about something that was  aging at me that involved someone I knew and what if they were offended? What if I wanted to write about God or prayer and someone close to me thought I was a bible banging religious freak?
I began to struggle, a lot, with who was reading and what I was posting (which, let's be honest, can sometimes be  a good filter...albeit a stifling filter) and my post topics got narrower and narrower until I felt like al I could write about were trips to South Dakota. Or something. ;) And before long I slipped into a pattern of dreaded obligation and gah, who wants THAT in their life. Check this out:

 


I went from near daily posting to half that and then dropped off drastically each year!


Near the end of 2016 I really began to miss this blog. Writing has always been my strongest form of communication and it truly helps me process my thoughts. Whoda thunk that the very thing I loved initially I would grow to dread and then come full circle?! I'm still definitely finding my "groove" but man alive, I'm glad I pushed myself to start up again!

Now...to see if I can break those stifling binders and see if I can really let some of these crazy thoughts that clog brain let loose!

See ya tomorrow!
M.

5 comments:

  1. I definately miss you here and in real life.

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  2. So glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA

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  3. So glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA

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  4. So glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your blog. Karen from CA

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  5. You know how much I love you... You are a talented writer and I love your humor and honesty.... You make me laugh and cry... So glad you're back!

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I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

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