tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post8147861385879713691..comments2024-03-06T02:27:43.423-06:00Comments on My Little Life: Overprotective much?Mama M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00675065017958191800noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-60763761095225723012010-02-19T01:17:49.818-06:002010-02-19T01:17:49.818-06:00We have 2 shy, anxiety kiddos... so we started wit...We have 2 shy, anxiety kiddos... so we started with birthday parties only... mommy stayed. then girl scout activities..mommy stayed. slowly she had a couple playdates... I asked if I could have coffee with mom so she could get comfortable... she only plays & sleeps over at one friends house (age 9 btw) we are family friends now... she ALWAYS calls me before bed... so I can know if she is ok... ;) otherwise her playdates are my coffee dates... makes me feel way better getting to know the parents! My son is the same way... so I have done the same on a much smaller scale with him... age7. Group playdates & birthday sleepovers help too!! I do have the anxiety to lean on ... that has been helpful with parents understanding me having 'coffee' while the kids play! She is 9 - only plays at 3 friends houses - and sleeps over with 1. I am good with that!Just jennhttp://www.seizingmyday.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-5916459527494292162010-02-18T15:19:23.714-06:002010-02-18T15:19:23.714-06:00go with your gut :)go with your gut :)Kairahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10765357430906520319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-17583780249667102662010-02-18T07:53:11.316-06:002010-02-18T07:53:11.316-06:00No way are my kids ever sleeping anywhere but here...No way are my kids ever sleeping anywhere but here and my moms...period. I have an 12 year old step daughter and her mom lets her go over anyones house whether she knows them or not and you know what...my stepdaughter got molested my a neighbor... I could never live with myself so its as simple as no way, here or Nanas no place else (not even my MIL who thinks its appropriate to sleep in the same bed as her grandchildren) It is a different time than when we were kids and changes have to be made. Its my job to protect my kids.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08028497732215882346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-43749494346045560712010-02-17T06:51:40.742-06:002010-02-17T06:51:40.742-06:00You are the mom and know what is best for your fam...You are the mom and know what is best for your family, whether or not it fits with what everyone else does.<br /><br />I will say this, abusers don't normally prey on well-adjusted kids who talk to their parents. They don't normally want to get caught. It is good to be cautious, good to get to know friends' families, good to open your home and be selective about where your children go.<br /><br />The most important safeguard you have against abuse is your relationship with them. It makes them a less likely target and will help them get through something should it somehow happen anyway.<br /><br />And nowadays you have to ask about those sleepovers. Apparently, boy girl sleepovers are becoming more popular!Danahttp://roscommonacres.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-17288966998282926102010-02-16T23:21:20.813-06:002010-02-16T23:21:20.813-06:00I will admit I did not read all the responses.
My...I will admit I did not read all the responses.<br /><br />My pastor said that if he had to parent again he would NEVER allow his kids to go on sleepovers. <br /><br />I was never allowed to go on sleepovers as a kid. Yes, I felt left out. <br /><br />My kids? Well, I am VERY selective. So selective, we just say NO. lol. We are very careful of things we watch on tv and everything out kids are exposed to. Not to an extreme...but we are selective. I don't like my kid being somewhere we she or he has no control and feels like she or he has to go along with the crowd. Kids in large numbers or even numbers beyond one..lol...will find themselves doing things they normally would never do. Now, I will allow my kid to go on teen overnighters at the church and stuff like that..and church camp. However, no sleepovers unless I know the family and know what's going on. <br /><br />My cousin played with a gun at a sleepover and died. I didn't even remember that until now...so that really didn't influence me before....I was so young when it happened I hardly knew about it. Crazy things happen...maybe I am overprotective but at the end of the night I KNOW where my kid is.Richele McFarlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14778804579496946142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-41828414186444262322010-02-16T21:04:54.841-06:002010-02-16T21:04:54.841-06:00I know you already have a lot of comments and I di...I know you already have a lot of comments and I didn't read them so I don't know if I am repeating anything but I wanted to share with you. <br /><br />My mom was/is super overprotective. She I am 20 going to be 21 this year with a child of my own and she still treats me like I am 13. <br /><br />Because of my mothers protectiveness I don't have close friends. I was never allowed to go anywhere without her, couldn't even ride in a car without her or my dad. I when I was 12-14 I would get invited to things and she would want to come or just said no because it was to "dangerous" I have been allowed to stay away from her only one night in my life.<br /><br />You get the picture. I know the feeling of wanting to protect your child. Anyone who is a parent should. But don't go overboard. When your child hits 13 at the most start letting them have a little bit of room. Make sure there are rules firmly in place but let them have a little room to grow into their own person. Because if you don't in the end your child will resent that later maybe even rebel. <br /><br />I did a lot because of my mom that I don't think I would have had she had better placed rules and allowed me a little room to grow. I don't mean to be pushy or step on any toes!Neathahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15506733735227976890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-46831775177067554232010-02-16T20:41:31.144-06:002010-02-16T20:41:31.144-06:00Clearly Rory isn't old enough to have this iss...Clearly Rory isn't old enough to have this issue yet, but as a dance teacher of many many many young girls, I can weigh in on the social side. You are absolutely right that not letting them sleep over can be isolating. Key word: can. It's all in what is considered cool and uncool at the moment, and it will change and go. My advice would be to allow sleepovers at friends of the family's house and at your own home and call it good. (I can safely say Rory won't sleep over anywhere I haven't known the parents well and for years.) Can Miss E sleep over with a friend from church perhaps? It probably won't be as much of an issue for your son, boys are so much more lenient. Girls though are brutal, as I'm sure you remember. <br /><br />I'm afraid I rambled! I'm sorry! I see both sides so equally on this issue and know families on all ends of the spectrum. I'm praying for peace of mind for you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15781489144572153566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-81348600077402400822010-02-16T18:53:38.291-06:002010-02-16T18:53:38.291-06:00I understand completely. I think that when your ki...I understand completely. I think that when your kids are away overnight, you lose so much control of their safety. Sure their parents might be harmless but what if their siblings have friends over that turn out to be an abuser or something? Can you prepare a list of questions to ensure that you have a full understanding of what is going to occur without sounding like a paranoid freak? I think that a child's innocense is SO important to protect and preserve and I feel fortunate to have a lot of close friends at my church with similar aged children as my 18 month old. But come school age, I am not so sure I can trust people I haven't known for years and years.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17971012085038794640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-91309688353655778052010-02-16T18:25:27.916-06:002010-02-16T18:25:27.916-06:00Found your blog through blog frog... I have to say...Found your blog through blog frog... I have to say I'm kinda the in-between mom about sleepovers... I need to speak with the parents, understand the rules and what will be going on at the sleepover - if its a birthday party, how many kids and how will it be supervised etc... I usually will allow my R who is 11 to go to parties before one on one sleepovers for the first time, but most of the time she gravitates towards the same friends and trades sleepovers with them... so it comes up fairly infrequently - my usual response is to say not this time and then invite the other parents over with their child to get to know them better... and then decide yes or no after that... kids are always welcome to stay over here... as long as R's room is clean ... so its an incentive to make sure there are no dust bunnies under the bed ....heather@actingbalanced.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08194563117096178008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-77234985173056571532010-02-16T18:24:46.234-06:002010-02-16T18:24:46.234-06:00We live in a small town, so you "hear" t...We live in a small town, so you "hear" things. And you know things. Of course, not everything can be known though. My kids are very limited to sleepovers. There are only a couple of kids for each of them where they can stay at the other friends houses and vice versa. And it's not very often either. I make sure that I am making choices where I know the parents will respect my wishes on what my kids can and cannot do. Like no, they can't go walking all over town, or even down the street. There is fine line between letting them enjoy life so they don't rebel, yet making sure they are safe and doing age appropriate things.Desert Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01559969281914974681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-70520301201263412522010-02-16T17:43:13.440-06:002010-02-16T17:43:13.440-06:00I am in the same boat you are. I rather my monkey...I am in the same boat you are. I rather my monkey stay home and friends come here than her go to friends. I let her go to church activities without me but it takes a lot. Sometimes I just want to tag along but then I am like no hubby and I can use the alone time. I have one friend that I have never minded her being over at their house. I have that fear that something will happen and she won't speak up for herself. <br /><br />I think that as parents if we let our guard down even once it might hurt our children and we won't know what to do to forgive ourselves, so instead we keep close eyes on them even when they are grown and gone.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06440572308316514304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-56193954264318900962010-02-16T17:08:58.436-06:002010-02-16T17:08:58.436-06:00We always made a point of getting to know the fami...We always made a point of getting to know the family of their friends. Talking to the parents at games or scouting events and seeing what they are all about that way.<br /><br />I also worked in domestic violence, with batterers in a drug rehab program, and I was so leary of men who showed any kind of controlling or texrbook abuser behavior.<br /><br />In all of this we did learn a valuable lesson though that us even more certain we were doing the right thing. One afternoon we let my older son Dylan, in 4th grade at the time, go to his friends house after school to see some kittens and I would pick him up an hour later. Turns out the family raised Python snakes and fed the kittens to the snakes. I just about died and left the house with 3 kitties because I couldn't stand the thought of them becoming snake food. I also reported the family to animal control. Never again were my children allowed anywhere we didn't know every thing we could about the family.CareGiving Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03326854215102017169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-24908418093583332012010-02-16T16:46:27.229-06:002010-02-16T16:46:27.229-06:00I didn't read all of the comments so please fo...I didn't read all of the comments so please forgive me if I am repeating something. My kids are too little right now for me to have the same worries - but I know that they are in my future. :)<br /><br />My advice would be to ask your kids how they feel and go from there. Maybe they really don't want to sleep over at a friends house or maybe they have 1 friend who they would like you to consider allowing them to stay with. If that is the case then you can set some guidelines - like meeting the parents or having them over first. You may also want to only allow them to stay if it's a party - where there will be several other kids there also, maybe even someone that you know well.<br /><br />Don't know if that helps at all - but I'd definitely talk to them about it...you may be worrying about something that isn't even an issue with them! :) <br /><br />Good luck and let us know what you decide!Krajcimamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05333772751347917860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-31388618019359744442010-02-16T16:29:55.965-06:002010-02-16T16:29:55.965-06:00I'm a paranoid mama too. My kids are allowed ...I'm a paranoid mama too. My kids are allowed to have sleepovers, but only at certain people's houses. I have to know the parents, and be comfortable that our values are the same.<br /><br />This is hard on my daughter, because I won't let her sleep over at her best friend's house. But her best friend has an older brother. And the older brother has a friend who stays with them. And THAT friend showed my daughter and her friend a Playboy and there is no way she is going back there while that boy is there.<br /><br />There are worse things in life than not having enough sleepovers.Milehimama @ Mama Sayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04755353355022539817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-88069313262266092192010-02-16T15:14:31.531-06:002010-02-16T15:14:31.531-06:00My parents were the same way with me when I was gr...My parents were the same way with me when I was growing up and I am the same with my boys. My 15 year old could care less about staying at someones house, but does enjoy going to the movies with his friends on a Saturday night. My 10 year old would much rather stay at home and hang out with family than stay over with his friends. He actually only has one friend that he does stay with and they have been friends for almost 4 years now, I know his dad, dad's girlfriend, his mom, his grandmother and grandfather. You are not being over protective in my opinion you just care. The 10 year old actually asks to stay the night at his aunts house more than he does his friends house. I know that I can trust his aunt and uncle.Brookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05620545360219325400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-92130256749200814622010-02-16T14:40:28.230-06:002010-02-16T14:40:28.230-06:00Well, since I only have a 10 month old, we're ...Well, since I only have a 10 month old, we're a bit far away from sleep overs. But I can tell you how my mom handled it, and how i will more than likely handle it. If I know the parents REALLY well (ie, through sports, PTA or church) then I will let them spend time with THOSE kids. I think that there is a fine line between being overprotective (we can't protect them from all harms in the world, as much as we'd like to try) and then being realistic. I think you probably could make an effort to get to know other moms (or perhaps you already do) so that you feel comfortable letting your kids be around their kids, and then go from there. Parenting is so hard because we want so desparately for our kids to like us, but we also want to protect them. Good luck!Lindshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14739426687533738884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-38242918236453429302010-02-16T14:30:52.807-06:002010-02-16T14:30:52.807-06:00No advice but I totally think are aren't crazy...No advice but I totally think are aren't crazy. I am going to have to ready through everyone's answers and see what people say because I am the same way as you. My kids are still little enough where it doesn't matter but the thought of them being out of my site at someone elses house literally makes me sick to my stomach. Good luck, hope you get some better help than me agreeing with you! :)Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12095067364129313174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-41437833989559920802010-02-16T14:04:27.002-06:002010-02-16T14:04:27.002-06:00I am COMPLETELY like you. I guess I would try to ...I am COMPLETELY like you. I guess I would try to invite the friend and their family over for dinner one night to get to know each other and then if you feel comfortable you can let them spend time at the other person's house. I am again, so like you. It freaks me out what can happen to your children at someone else's house. Good luck!AubreyTeaganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01144959410515790927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-31336866812029608192010-02-16T14:00:17.079-06:002010-02-16T14:00:17.079-06:00Realistically, doesn't most child abuse occur ...Realistically, doesn't most child abuse occur by people they know well? I agree with taking the time to get to know the parents of your children's close friends, so that everyone is comfortable. We cannot raise our children in a bubble. It's important to teach our children how to handle difficult situations, and then trust in them. <br /><br />I think that as a society we are going a bit too far in the name of protection.Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-23080107010900269352010-02-16T13:34:27.068-06:002010-02-16T13:34:27.068-06:00I don't think there's anything wrong with ...I don't think there's anything wrong with just doing stuff at your house.<br /><br />I've told Hubs that we need to be sure to have the coolest game room around, so that when the boys are older, all their friends want to come hang out here, so we don't have to worry about it.Shellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06811697675090627618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-8846429872458868132010-02-16T13:34:25.489-06:002010-02-16T13:34:25.489-06:00I worry too but have found a balance. I have conn...I worry too but have found a balance. I have connected with families and have gotten to know their moms (if it is a daytime playdate)...and we aren't at the age of sleepovers yet...but I think if you are able to spend time with the people you can develop good family friendships that will lend themselves to play dates...but i am stumped on what to do about kids from school that you don't really know. So hard. I am dreading that time of parenting.For the Love of Naps - Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12694659976017646924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-74193362087840667032010-02-16T13:34:08.270-06:002010-02-16T13:34:08.270-06:00This is a hard one with no easy answers. We never...This is a hard one with no easy answers. We never had this question as our oldest began sleeping over. Her friends parents are close friends of mine from when I grew up. Easy... now it is a little more difficult as she broadens her horizons of friends and our second daughter jumps into the pool of parents we don't know as well. I do worry as they stay over and do really prefer them to have people over but I remind myself of one thing. Our niece was abused by a babysitter and it wasn't someone they didn't know well it was a family member. I am careful but yes we do let them sleep over.<br /><br />On another note though we do put family time in front of sleep overs if we have had a crazy week and need to reconnect. We aren't afraid to say noAngiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17307746647340949695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-46596997063956544342010-02-16T13:10:30.114-06:002010-02-16T13:10:30.114-06:00That is a really tough call and since I am not a p...That is a really tough call and since I am not a parent I cannot say that I will not feel the exact same way when I am. <br />However, that being said I remember sleep overs with my friends, at my house or theirs being some of my favorite memories of childhood. I think as long as you know the parents and are cautious it is great for children to be able to experience these childhood activities. Who doesn't fondly remember slumber parties and buildng forts to sleep in with your girlfriends.Amanda Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06184068213605452459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-7731008910891301872010-02-16T13:06:28.105-06:002010-02-16T13:06:28.105-06:00I completely agree with you and I know that my chi...I completely agree with you and I know that my children most likely will not be allowed to sleep over at friends' houses. For the time being, they are only allowed to sleep over at one set of grandparent's house.<br /><br />When I was in fourth grade, I had a girlfriend come stay the night at MY house. She convinced me to engage in activities that we shouldn't have and I wasn't confident enough to tell her, "no!" I lost my self-confidence that night and I have struggled to regain it ever since. That being said, I do feel that although the ultimate decision was mine, I felt ill prepared for this type of event. My parents didn't teach me that others shouldn't touch me and they didn't instill in me the confidence to just say, "NO!" I feel that if we, as parents, teach our children right from wrong, show them how to be confident and strong, and we ourselves are "approachable," incidences like these would not happen. I should have told this girl no, ran upstairs to my mom and the girl should have been sent home. That didn't happen and now I am scared to death to allow my children to sleep over. When our cousins have stayed the night, the doors are to remain open and beds are not shared. I can't control what happens at other people's houses and that is what scares me the most. We have one cousin that tries to convince my daughter to undress and play "doctor" and while these things might seem "innocent," to me they aren't. Our daughter will never be allowed to stay the night at the cousins house, as we now do not trust her or her parents to protect our daughter the way we would.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3919858889505423494.post-18235823760893124132010-02-16T12:58:25.140-06:002010-02-16T12:58:25.140-06:00no advice, just empathy. I'm so glad my kids ...no advice, just empathy. I'm so glad my kids aren't old enough yet to have to make those decisions. I know it will be SO tough for me. PRAY and go with your gut! Trust the Lord in all things. Good luck!Alyssahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01861274075719519442noreply@blogger.com